THE Ken Hawk master list

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to present to you tonight the Master List of one of America's Greatest Heroes.
Some will never associate the word "hero" with jamming one's pecker in a tailpipe or blowing one's ass into five pieces with a firecracker. Certainly, Ken Hawk didn't strike anyone as brilliant when he first appeared at Blabbermouth suggesting he should wear his Iron maiden shirt to a job interview. Nor when he exited the site complaining about the importance of getting out of a Port-O-Potty before tipping it on its side. But the man had one thing: experience in life lessons. Don't wipe your dick on your girlfriend's curtains in front of her mom. Don't eat shit off the road on the way to work in order to get sent home sick. Don't shoot yourself in the cock with a BB gun to see if it will hurt. These are life lessons. The kind Dad never got around to.
There is so much to take away from the misadventures of one man. I've compiled this massive library, which I estimate is probably more than half of the Ken Hawk jokes out there in emails or Blabbermouth or in the digital dust somewhere. Take a moment, and I think you'll take something away from this tribute to Sir Ken Hawk, a true American hero:


Ken Hawk makes history, becomes first person to ever contact 911 with text message: oMG im on FirE hELp WTF ARggHH =o(
Ken Hawk puts himself on the map after imitating Jackass bottle rocket-out-of-the-butt stunt but uses a firecracker.
Car slams into side of building and erupts into flames; suprisingly not a police pursuit, but Ken Hawk failing another driver's test.
Ken Hawk finds father. In other news, theres a guy out there named Boyd Hawk.
Ten Things to do on a Date by Ken Hawk: Chapter 1: Getting smashed and wiping your dick on the curtains at your date's house.
"i gOt teh pEe e all Overe my jacKet rIrGht beFore the interview and ran into the CEo in the bath room". Just another day for Ken Hawk.
The Brilliance Of Ken Hawk: "I farted one time into a thermos and [put it in my frigde DAMN that thing fucking stinks".
Ken Hawk wraps his dick in aluminum foil to "keep it metal"!
"Step 1: Rock Port-O-Potty onto its side. Step 2: Get out." A giddy, giggling Ken Hawk fails a simple prank when the priority of steps is not fully thought out. Poopalarity ensues.
Ken Hawk WIKIPEDIA page features bio, record of dumbass decisions, official downloadable Ken Hawk font with automatic spelling errors and misplaced caps.
Official Ken Hawk designer jeans hit the stores; $199 gets you a pair of skin-tight chaps with "IroN maddEn" written in marker on the leg and a scorched hole on the ass.
Ken Hawk takes the old "photocopying your ass" office prank to a new level; rescued Monday morning after spending weekend with wang caught in fax machine.
Ken Hawk drinks heavily for the first time in years; wakes up with guy in a wig, 'stache rash.
Ken Hawk's first day at karate class shows promise, if promise means getting kicked in the head and punched in the dick until you pass out.
Scientists recover fossils of asexual mouthbreathing Homo species, theoretically the start of an evolutionary tangent between Ken Hawk and normal humans. Theory further approved after 900,00 year old Iron Maiden t-shirt found nearby.
Ken Hawk earns idiot of the year award by reattempting Jackass bottle rocket stunt; this time uses the right explosive, but fires it in the wrong direction.
Ten Things to do on a rainy day by Ken Hawk: Chapter Four: How about slamming your dick in a door?
BLABBERMOUTH: 12,000 Iron Maiden fans upset when concert turns out to be 3 hours of Ken Hawk riding a girls bike on stage.
Ken Hawk's information hacked and name is legally changed; Buttlick Hawk to appear in court today to get back identity.
Ken Hawk back to old habits: takes bathroom break during job interview, reaches for and misses TP, obliviously wipes butt with dress shirt.
Ken Hawks interview ettiquette: "fUKC selliNG ouT im waeerinG my IRon MAIDen shiRt to my iNTerviweew."
Ken Hawk misinterprets the phrase "booty call" made in optomistic fashion and tries it himself, ends up in ER with large cordless phone crammed 2/3 up ass. Bonus: Antenna first. Double Bonus: Someone keeps calling.
Against the warnings of several employees at Reflections Tanning & Waxing, Ken Hawk has first-ever-recorded pecker waxing; first strip torn off, screamalarity ensues.
Ken Hawk tries ironing his balls to get the wrinkles out. No, really.
"On SunDay i was real tired so I ate A PACK oF doublE A bAtteries and teh doctor says hopE they dont come ouT sideways whiCh i didnt get but lauGhed aT anyWAy."
Ken Hawk on leaded vs unleaded fuel: " i triED bOTh to seE iF the RE waS a booSt in mY perFORmAnce i Just goT siCK". "
Plugging in an abandoned TV you found in a creek? You might be Ken Hawk.
Mythbusters take on the legend of Ken Hawk, calculate that stupidity at even this level can't possibly exist, call it a day.
BLABBERMOUTH: MEGADETH turn down Ken Hawk's proposal for "Flush 'Em" parody of "Crush 'Em" as theme song, as well as invite for sleepover.
Things go all wrong for Ken Hawk fan mail when his primary address is hacked and changed to ken@homo.net.
Ken Hawk approval rating continues to rise, now just below approval rating for butt cancer.
Ken Hawk snubbed in Academy Awards when film "fiREcraCkr in bUtt" loses in Best Documentary Shot By A 39 Year Old Loser in His Backyard category.
Ken Hawk on interview etiquette: "iF yoU hAve TO JAck OFF uNDeR THE DESK betwen meEtiGNs With yoUr interViEwrs DONT GET CAUGHT".
Ken Hawk turned down for second time in as many days after Soundgarden officially disproves of "Butt Hole Sun" recording.
Unemployment calls, Iron Maiden dolls, and boners in the overalls: The Ken Hawk Biography. This weekend, on A&E.
Ken Hawk's first rockclimb goes awry after he crisscrosses the crotch harness straps and rope slack pulled taught crushes nad bag.
Ken Hawk removed from set of "Today" show; unprepared for formal interview, Hawk melted down, dove into a fort he constructed from couch cushions, spoke only through a face he drew on his pecker, referred to as "Schmitty".
Ken Hawk hits barber shop for first time in years, asks for price on a trim, and in front of a dozen women, drop pants, bends over pointing at ass and says give me a 1 and a 1/2.
Ken Hawk movie script trashed by execs. "A guy riding a girls bike around, a Manowar video, the guy jumping on his parents bed for 30 minutes, another hour talking about how much he hates his life, shooting himself in the weiner with a beebee gun to see if it hurts, another Manowar video, this is just retarded."
Second Ken Hawk script trashed, movie project completely nixed: "By page 2 he was farting the ABC's, and that was all I needed to read."
Ken Hawk tries out Jackass. First stunt "Poo-in-a-Milky-Way-wrapper" takes bad turn when 250 lb potential target turns out to not have a very good sense of humor.
Ken Hawk's television days over after fistfight with the Oxi-Clean guy breaks out on set.
Chicago Fire Dept Fourth of July weekend blotter: three firework incidents, one house fire, and having to save some Hawk guy who wanted to see if the garage door would crush his weiner or go back up.
Ken Hawk pummeled in bar with weenie hanging out of pants. Cross off drawing two eyes and a smile on your wang as a decent pick-up device.
War of words with neighborhood's 13-year-old bully goes up a notch when Ken Hawk finds his Huffy Princess bike and Hello Kitty helmet smashed.
Ken Hawk tries to kill self with the old car-in-garage method; never realizing he needs to start the ignition, Hawk spends a whole day just sitting in mom's car.
Ken Hawk gets tanked in Vegas, drops $30,000, loses drunken fistfight with Louie Anderson.
Radio station W-KEN now up and rolling; Ken Hawk rules the airwaves with butt rock, long monologues about how he cant get a girlfriend, daily interviews with Mortiis.
Ken Hawk scores a 100 on test. Unfortunately its the SAT. The old "400 points just for signing your name" rule just shakes its head.
In wake of W-KEN going down Ken Hawk tries his hand at hip hop, tries to mix it up on the streets of Chicago as "Ice Pube"; the hospital reports 167 stitches this time.
Ken Hawk pushes autobiography deal, MacMillan & Brown Publishing already rejects possible titles "i dUMp in tEh batHtuB" and "fAR beyON6D kEN" before even reading.
New airline restrictions in place; however, Ken Hawk is actually GIVEN shampoo and deodarant, body search called off.
Ken Hawk's lemonade stand closes after 4 days of disappointing sales; sadly the whole "lemons freshly squeezed between my asscheeks" never really caught on.
World Battleship Board Game Championship sees Ken Hawk take an early exit, highlight was opponent calling "B4", Hawk blowing some floor-shaking ass, giggling, and stating "I think you sunk my pants".
Hawk on last weeks incident: "well i HAd to GO to teh hosp[ITal and thinK of an esxcuse for how i twisted mY wang in My biKE spokEs so i didnT look liKe a dumbaSs".
Matches, Kix cereal, diarrhea medicine, Manowar stickers, skid marks on trees: Ken Hawk goes camping.
Ken Hawk takes up summer physics, quantum mechanics courses; is dead serious about finding a way to warp poop in lieu of just getting potty trained.
Ken Hawk gets carmel popcorn snack themed after him; Crapperjacks hit stores by 2007, mystery toy inside boxes most likely to be assorted Eddie Hunter toy doll pieces.
A week and a half into summer semester Ken Hawk bails out of classes; Intro to Bathing, Wiping 101 courses apparently too much information at one time.
Ken Hawk disguises self as toilet in ladies room, plan foiled when pervert comes in to hide toilet cameras; Hawk could not be reached for comment at proctologist.
New hero based on Ken Hawk emerges; some question the appeal of "Butt Lad", who fights crime while struggling with lack of superpowers, employment, sense of hygiene.
A week of cheese-block consumption creates block of its own in Ken Hawk, who attempts to unclog himself with CLR; on the bright side, he clears the drains.
Live children's show pulled off air when an exchange of views turns violent; headline: "Ken Hawk gets into fistfight with Muppet".
Ken Hawk exhibit now open in Chicago; what some call poop with a fork in it, Ken Hawk calls art.
Ken Hawk's magic show shut down over lack of interest; "pulling fart from my ass trick", use of weiner in puppet shows draws low marks from theater-going public and critics alike.
Ken Hawk suffers severe meltdown after Blabbermouth hands a 5.5 review to the new Iron Maiden album; for some reason thinks having a blithering spasm and pulling a washing machine over on top of himself will fix things.
"Ford Festiva '81 FREE" prank sign gets Ken Hawks box car stolen over weekend; car later found destroyed at playground with kids kicking the shit out of it.
Stained silk shirt: $3. Pink leather pants: $60. LA Gears with huge tongue: $20. Ken Hawk donning the aforementioned and getting wailed on at local club: 263 stitches.

Goodbye Ann

Ann Richards

1933-2006

The News just broke. Former Texas Governor Ann Richards has lost her battle with cancer. This is a very sad for me, because I've always held a great deal of respect for Ms. Richards. In my personal opinion, she was the last great Governor of Texas.

Rest in Peace Ann!

Eye candy

I felt I needed a post like this after the very disturbing image that blsabob posted below. Dude, i'm starting to worry about you.

Another Government with NO SENSE OF HUMOR

You're fucking kidding me, right?

US President George Bush is to host White House talks on British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen. Cohen, 35, creator of Ali G, has infuriated the Kazakhstan government with his portrayal of Borat, a bumbling Kazakh TV presenter.

What the hell is wrong with people? Don't these governmental turdburglers have anything better to do that whine about art, film, music and comedy? Is this world class stupidity or a purposeful ploy to distract the masses from real issues adversely affecting their lives? I honestly don't know.

2,996: A Tribute to the Victims of 9/11

James Thomas Murphy

James Thomas Murphy

Mr. Murphy was a 35 year old husband and father from Middletown, New Jersey. Since I never had the homor to meet Mr. Murphy, I will include a short biography followed by comments of people that did know and love him.

Faithful to FamilyJames Murphy, a Cantor Fitzgerald trader, kept his eye on the basics. His family were his friends, and together they were a big crowd. He and his wife, Mary, had two children and were expecting a third. He had 10 brothers and sisters, between the ages of 44 and 30, and 13 nieces and nephews. Most of them lived within a 20-mile radius of the Jersey Shore.

Mr. Murphy, 35, was the "ringleader," said Bill, his eldest brother. "His favorite thing was to get together with a big group of our family, with all our children. He'd get everybody to come have lunch on the beach and then go hang out on our parents' deck and cook out. He'd call people on the spur of the moment to go to watch football games, go to a bar and have lunch." At Christmas, he was the Santa Claus.

He liked to ski in Vermont and Vail, but otherwise was a homebody, Bill Murphy said. "He was innocent in a way. He was very apolitical, very low-key about most things. He was very happy to go home to his house. He was very happy to tell us that he and Mary were having another baby."

Remember September 11, 2001

Comments from those who knew James Thomas Murphy

Joan Murphy Wolf

Jimmy Murphy is my brother and one year has not dulled the pain that I and the rest of my family feel. In fact it seems worse. Jimmy was a great brother and friend and is missed every day. Each time I look at his picture or see a beautiful day I think of how much he loved life and lived it to the fullest. Jimmy was the funniest person and so many people loved to be around him. As I write this letter, my heart is breaking for myself, my family, Jimmy's wife and children and all of the other's who have suffered from this senseless and horrific attack. I love you Jim.


Peter

I was lucky enough to be a good friend of Jim's, and my family remains close with his wife - There is absolutely no truth to the forward that is being sent around. Jim's widow is in excellent health, does not have a daughter named Ali, and is not facing surgery of any kind.


Pat

think about ya alot murph. i know i didn't see you that much as adults but you were such a good friend when we were in grade school. love you and your family and see you again my friend.
Aloha,
Pat


Coach Pat McCann

St. Rose High School will long remember you, Murph! We will miss you!



Tom DeBari, former classmate

Murph was a really good guy -- liked by all when we were in St. Rose together. We were co-captains on the varsity baseball team. Our team stunk but we all had fun and Murph was one of the reasons we have good memories. My heart goes out to his family and friends.

I was very honored to assemble this tribute for Mr. Murphy. Iwas very touched by his story and by the commets of his friends and families. We are very fortunate that people such as James Thomas Murphy existed, and on the 5th anniversery of the darkest day in American history, I just want to say that you are still remebered and respected.

Bori(ng) must be on the rag

Looks like I just got banned from Blabbermoron too. How many people is that? and for what? I just sent him the following email message:

"This account and/or your IP address have been banned by the administrator."

So what the hell did I do that half your posters don't? I made fun of Sakk Mylde, Axhole Rose and/or Christianity? You keep banning all your humorous/controversial poster and visits to your website will plummet.

B.L. Sabob

What the hell does this guy want, a boring site for fanboys only where the most controversial subject matter involves whether or not you plan to buy a band's music in CD form or online? Its the people with opinions and personality that drives traffic to his piece of shit site. His advertisers won't be very happy when he loses most his readers and they lose most their click-throughs.

Fucking idiot

Is ABC/Mouseschwitz "fair and balanced?"

I don't know, why don't we ask their pals in the Busha Nostra...

BigNewsDay

BigNewsDay


And the greatest comedian of blabbermouth is...........................?


SPOOKY1!!!!!!!!...........................................................unintentionally

FUCK ABC/DISNEY

Seriously, I don't care if they do have shows I like, I'm just not watching the Mouse-schwitz network any longer. And David Horowitz should choke on a cock.

BND's Update: I have heard several conservatives state that the liberals are trying to squash freedom of speech or somehow try to cover up "the truth" by speaking out against this movie, but there are some simple facts that conservative are over-looking.

1. Many conservative were invited to prescreen this movie
2. Clinton administration officials that are being attacked in this movie were not invited to prescreen this movie
3. The Clinton administration actively searched for terrorists and attacked site in Afghanistan and Northern Africa that were linked to terrorism.
4. Bush did nothing about terrorism until after 9/11.
5. Republicans, including the chairman of the 9/11 Commission, have stated that several parts of this movie are ficticious.

   "The Times, citing Thomas H. Kean, the Republican who chaired the bipartisan 9/11 commission that investigated what led up to the attacks and who has been a consultant to the film, reported that a scene portraying former national security adviser Samuel R. Berger hanging up on a CIA officer at a critical moment is being altered. Two others under review, according to Kean, portray former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright apparently obstructing efforts to capture Osama bin Laden and Clinton being too distracted by impeachment and his marital problems to focus on bin Laden"
   (CNN Article).

6. If they were to do a movie about YOU stating that it was based on your life, claiming to have official documents to back it up, and then that straight out lie about you, would that be acceptable?

Horse's For Food ?

Hey what does everyone think of those ass holes slaughtering horses for food? It really destirbes me. Who would ever consider that animal as food! I now throughout history every culture has relied on that animal in one way or the other. The horse deserves more respect than that. Those people who are doing those things deserve it done to them! I want to know what everyone thinks. Let me know and any information anyone has on the subject. Thanx Lordslady!
posted by Lordslady @ 6:20 AM

The Ash and The Red

This is a project I have been working on for the past several months. I have been playing instruments over the past 12 years, from drums to bass to guitar, and recently took up a hobby in home recording. Today I have posted the first track I have done all writing recording and engineering by myself, and was hoping to share it with the forum here.
The track is Chain Reaction, it automatically plays when you head to The Ash and The Red's site. I am not a big fan of the metal genre system as I believe it creates and heightens stereotypes, so I will say I am highly influenced by technical death metal bands, namely Death first and foremost, Scarve, Martyr, Decapitated, Gory Blister, as well as bands that have thought differently, from Fear Factory and SYL to the Chili Peppers and Alice In Chains.
Chain Reaction took four months for me to write and record. Music to me is a hobby, an art, and will always be that way. I dont release albums, force deadlines or look for financial gain. This is simply something I carved that I would like to share with the group.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts, critical or not, and please feel free to alert me if you have a page out there as well. In addition, I hope this may be a spark that allows this forum's regulars to do post their own work, whatever it may be.

www.myspace.com/theashandthered

Banned Fuck Blabbermouth

That motherfucker bori banned me from there gay ass site.Fuck those assholes. Because i defend metal pwns all on theregay ass site. Fuck them someone can talk shit to me but i can't defend myself and Al and are our site Boycott there ass.


All Hail Metal Pwns All !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clinton to Blame for 9/11?

The right-wing lunatics are pushing an ABC/Disney documentary about the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. The "hack-u-mentary", which is supposedly based on the 9/11 Commission Report, holds various factual inaccuracies. For example, the documentary suggests that Bill Clinton ignored the Osama Bin Laden threat, refusing to "whack" him even when CIA operatives had him in their crosshairs. This is truly a DISNEY fantasy flick, and it shameful that ABC will air it. It is scheduled to air on September 10 and 11.

So how do we know the wingnuts are behind this? First of all, ABC refuses to give either Clinton, Albright, or Berger a transcript of the docudrama. Secondly, an ABC insider has emailed known-wingnut Hugh Hewitt with the following:

The Disney execs met all through the weekend - unheard of in this business - debating what changes would be made and what concessions should be given. Here is what looks to be the conclusion:

- There will be a handful of tweaks made to a few scenes.
- They are minor, and nuance in most cases - a line lift here, a tweak to the edit there.
- There are 900 screeners out there. When this airs this weekend, there will be a number of people who will spend their free evenings looking for these changes and will be hard pressed to identify them. They are that minor.
- The average viewer would not be able to tell the difference between the two versions.
- The message of the Clinton Admin failures remains fully intact.

In case you're wondering, that last two bits refer to the "edited" docudrama.

The way this prop-u-mentary is looking, it should have aired on FAUX NEWS!

Thankfully, there is something YOU CAN DO!

Call, write, or visit your local ABC station and voice your opinion on this humbuggery. In Chicago, we're getting ready to protest at the ABC studios in downtown Chicago, located on State and Lake, 15 minutes prior to every newscast.

We have to make our voices heard! If we let the nation watch this garbage, imagine what the implications will be? Bush will begin to look less-guilty, and the wingnuts will attempt to pummel Clinton to the ground anytime one of us criticizes King George, the Decider!

Before I go, I must say: FUCK WINGNUTS AND FUCK BUSH!

Well this really fucking sucks

One of the only guys in the public eye that I actually admired got killed. A lot of people make fun of this dude for being so animated and excited all the time. But no one since Marlon Perkins and Jacques Cousteau has done more for the sake of educating and interesting the public about animals and the cause of animal conservation. In honor of Steve Erwin, someone should whack Ted the Ped Nugent. Time to hoist a good strong Austrailian Stout in honor of a fallen hero.

Blabbermouth God ?

Soon to Come Who and Was The God of Blabbermouth God of all Time ? I need names for a new Poll comming soon.

Stupid1 Rides Again

Stupid1... Loud Infantile... Whatever this cliche' spouting douchebag is calling himself this week.

Great article regarding The UN and Child Rights

My good friend Daydreamer of Oz has written a killer piece about the rights of children on a global basis, and the failings of the UN to enforce their own laws. I ask that all of my readers go read this article, because I feel that knowledge is the key to change, and this is a wonderfully enlightening piece. Great job Daydreamer!

Read article here

Making Number 2

A month ago, The BigNewsDay blog made a poll about the biggest Blabberbitch. DDT (Dumb Dickheaded Twat) won. Well The Wussiest Blabberbitch Number 2 is in the making. It was BigNewsDay's idea. So far the canidates are RoachJoe, Up the Shizer, bill, and spooky1. Go to the message area to suggest some other blabberbitches that didnt make the last poll and we will see who will make the poll.

Brian Williams on the Katrina Aftermath

I don't know if anyone had the chance to watch Brian Williams' Katrina special on NBC last night, but it was very well made and quite troubling to watch. If you missed it, the 27 minute verson of 'Katrina - the first five days' is available to view on MSNBC's web site.

There is also a quite entertaing article written after he arrived back at his hotel room last night after filming the live parts of last night's special. Apperantly, he he was booked to stay at the same hotel as Bush, and his story illustrates the ordeal of getting back to the hotel room. A very good read.

THE BIG EASY: WHERE NOTHING IS EASY

Never Gonna Happen

Because even though he is crazy, he would still humiliate poor old George W. Wouldn't it be great if we had an intelligent, articulate President who could debate in global setting without getting their ass handed to them.

Link

Katrina - One Year Later

I was going to use this post to makea long political rant, but I've changed my mind. What I would like to do instead is to let you watch the videos below and let me know your feelings one year after one of the worst natural disasters destroyed New Orleans.

Before you watch the videos, take the time to imagine this being your neighborhood, your house, your car, your life. I know most of us will say that we would have left if we thought a hurricane was coming, but after how many false alarms do you stop heeding these warnings? What if you couldn't afford to leave? What if you were starving on the street and the only way you could eat was to raid the closest grocery store? I'm not going to defend any of the people we saw stealing Nikes, TVs, guns, etc..., but I would have just as quickly stole food and water for my family.

What would you have done?



Katrina - The Truth

George Bush with his head up his ass (as usual)

Screw FEMA

mAnn Cunter...PWNED!

It sure is a lot of fun to watch the Ann-orexic lunatic get her Adam's Apple handed to her in a taste of her own medicine.

Allright Brothers Please welcome jamminjj

This is good Bud of mine please welcome him. He is new to this blog thing too.And a great
Guitar Player as well. So cheers to ya JJ welcome. \m/..\m/

Knocking the dust off of BigSportsDay

I will try again to get this blog back up and running. If anyone would like to contribute to this blog, please let me know.

BigSportsDay

Today's Funnies

Conservative court to hear NSA appeal

CINCINNATI - The Bush administration's warrantless surveillance program, rejected by a federal judge, is heading toward an appellate court loaded with the president's own appointees.

However, veterans of cases before the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals caution that the court's mixed record in a broad range of rulings makes it difficult to predict how it will view the surveillance the administration says is crucial to stopping terrorists.

"It is not a foregone conclusion that a conservative-dominated court is going to say, 'President Bush did this and we're going to uphold what he wants,'" said Robert A. Sedler, a law professor at Wayne State University. "There are many issues in this case. Conservative judges often have a very strongly libertarian streak."

Read the rest...

OK. When do we get concerned about how this administration is stomping all over our civil rights? This is what happens when you have a leader that is so immature, that he can not admit when he is wrong, and when he is proven to be wrong, he stomps his feet and throws a fucking hissy fit.

The government unsuccessfully argued before Taylor, an appointee of President Carter, that the NSA program is well within the president's authority but proving that would require revealing state secrets.

Well, isn't that special? The NSA has a special 'Secret Court' set up to nothing but review these types of warrents. The NSA can even start the survelance before the court finalizes the warrent, yet our President still refuses to get these warrents. What an A**hole!

What a bunch of loony m***er f**ckers

Sunday school teacher dumped for being female

Monday, August 21, 2006; Posted: 10:43 a.m. EDT (14:43 GMT)

WATERTOWN, New York (AP) -- The minister of a church that dismissed a female Sunday School teacher after adopting what it called a literal interpretation of the Bible says a woman can perform any job -- outside of the church.

The First Baptist Church dismissed Mary Lambert on August 9 with a letter explaining that the church had adopted an interpretation that prohibits women from teaching men. She had taught there for 54 years.

Read the rest of the article...

Have I stated lately how much I dispise religious nutjobs? This sounds like something that the Talliban would do. Oh, wait a minute, this is something that the Talliban did.

More Dime Videos

Interview With Pat Lachman at Campo Verde in Arlington




Tearin' up the lawn - funny shit from the Dimevision DVD

Know Your History

Watch the amazing Stray Cats give us a three minute history lesson on the birth of rock n roll guitar riffing. All Rock n Roll guitarists stand on the shoulders of the giants, Gene Vincent and Eddie Cochran.

Another Guitar Wielding Pussy

Looks like Ted The Ped has a new hunting partner.

This piece of shit should be beaten with his own severed limbs and strangled with his own entrails.

Watch this faux-macho phoney preach at you

Getcha Pull on This - Happy 40th Dime

Dime Solos


Mouth for War


The Art of Shredding



Cowboys from Hell


Damageplan - Breathing New Life



Rebel Meets Rebel - Nothing to Lose

Celebrating Dimebags Life - Part Two

Dime at age 16

Dimebag guitar solo - Damageplan era

Tomorrow would have been Dime's 40th birthday. More tributes to follow. Feel free to add your own tributes.

Pantera with Kerry King (1989)



Pantera-Becoming (live)



Pantera-Rock The World (live 1988)



Pantera-Yesterday Don't Mean Shit (Live in 2000)

Thank you for the invite BND

Thanks for the warm welcome guys. We will be Brothers in arms.

Stupid Trivia - The Simpsons Edition

In the Who Shot Mr. Burns Episode, Chief Wiggum went to a club to question Tito Puente. What was the name of the club?

LOL

[Just a little link to brighten up your day]

Update on the "Liquid Bomb" BULLSHIT

I told you, last week's arrest of "terrorists" was just more political grandstanding to keep the sheeple frightened and obedient... and to take attention away from the fact that Lieberdolt had his clock cleaned and the Reps' poll numbers continue to plummett.

http://www.craigmurray.co.uk/archives/2006/08/the_uk_terror_p.html

Videos of the Week - Dimebag Edition

Dime would have been 40 this week.

Pantera - F**king Hostile (live)

-------------------------------------------------------------

Pantera with Jason Newsted on bass doing Whiplash with Dime On vocals and Phil on guitar.

Marilyn Manson OWNS O'Reilly!!

I Told You It Was Bullshit

NBC: Hair-gel terrorists posed no risk last week

An anonymous "senior British official knowledgeable about the [hair-gel bombers]" told NBC that there was no threat to airplanes last week, that the terrorists had been under surveillance for over a year, and that UK government didn't plan on arresting these guys until they'd surveilled them a while longer, but moved when they did because of US pressure:

In contrast to previous reports, the official suggested an attack was not imminent, saying the suspects had not yet purchased any airline tickets. In fact, some did not even have passports...

The official shed light on other aspects of the case, saying that while the investigation into the bombing plot began "months ago," some suspects were known to the security services even before the London subway bombings last year.

Update BND: I believe that there are many reasons these a**holes are pulling this crap. For one, Homeland Security Chief Michael Jerkoff wants to Shit on our Constitution. Another reason is that our government (Karl Rove more specifically) wants to keep us controlled by this climate of fear. I refuse to let them do this to me.

RESIST!!!

E Pluribus Stupid

The legacy of religious fundamentalism's influence on American Education. Yeah, go blame the NEA for this....

This article has many links, to see them, go to; http://www.livescience.com/humanbiology/060810_evo_rank.html

U.S. Lags World in Grasp of Genetics and Acceptance of Evolution

By Ker Than
LiveScience Staff Writer

A comparison of peoples' views in 34 countries finds that the United States ranks near the bottom when it comes to public acceptance of evolution. Only Turkey ranked lower.

Among the factors contributing to America's low score are poor understanding of biology, especially genetics, the politicization of science and the literal interpretation of the Bible by a small but vocal group of American Christians, the researchers say.

“American Protestantism is more fundamentalist than anybody except perhaps the Islamic fundamentalist, which is why Turkey and we are so close,” said study co-author Jon Miller of Michigan State University.

The researchers combined data from public surveys on evolution collected from 32 European countries, the United States and Japan between 1985 and 2005. Adults in each country were asked whether they thought the statement “Human beings, as we know them, developed from earlier species of animals,” was true, false, or if they were unsure.

The study found that over the past 20 years:

The percentage of U.S. adults who accept evolution declined from 45 to 40 percent. The percentage overtly rejecting evolution declined from 48 to 39 percent, however. And the percentage of adults who were unsure increased, from 7 to 21 percent. Of the other countries surveyed, only Turkey ranked lower, with about 25 percent of the population accepting evolution and 75 percent rejecting it. In Iceland, Denmark, Sweden and France, 80 percent or more of adults accepted evolution; in Japan, 78 percent of adults did.

The findings are detailed in the Aug. 11 issue of the journal Science.

Religion belief and evolution

The researchers also compared 10 independent variables—including religious belief, political ideology and understanding of concepts from genetics, or “genetic literacy”—between adults in America and nine European countries to determine whether these factors could predict attitudes toward evolution.

The analysis found that Americans with fundamentalist religious beliefs—defined as belief in substantial divine control and frequent prayer—were more likely to reject evolution than Europeans with similar beliefs. The researchers attribute the discrepancy to differences in how American Christian fundamentalist and other forms of Christianity interpret the Bible.

While American fundamentalists tend to interpret the Bible literally and to view Genesis as a true and accurate account of creation, mainstream Protestants in both the United States and Europe instead treat Genesis as metaphorical, the researchers say.

“Whether it’s the Bible or the Koran, there are some people who think it’s everything you need to know,” Miller said. “Other people say these are very interesting metaphorical stories in that they give us guidance, but they’re not science books.”

This latter view is also shared by the Catholic Church.

Politics and the Flat Earth

Politics is also contributing to America's widespread confusion about evolution, the researchers say. Major political parties in the United States are more willing to make opposition to evolution a prominent part of their campaigns to garner conservative votes—something that does not happen in Europe or Japan.

Miller says that it makes about as much sense for politicians to oppose evolution in their campaigns as it is for them to advocate that the Earth is flat and promise to pass legislation saying so if elected to office.

"You can pass any law you want but it won't change the shape of the Earth," Miller told LiveScience.

Paul Meyers, a biologist at the University of Minnesota who was not involved in the study, says that what politicians should be doing is saying, 'We ought to defer these questions to qualified authorities and we should have committees of scientists and engineers who we will approach for the right answers."

The researchers also single out the poor grasp of biological concepts, especially genetics, by American adults as an important contributor to the country's low confidence in evolution.

“The more you understand about genetics, the more you understand about the unity of life and the relationship humans have to other forms of life,” Miller said.

The current study also analyzed the results from a 10-country survey in which adults were tested with 10 true or false statements about basic concepts from genetics. One of the statements was "All plants and animals have DNA." Americans had a median score of 4. (The correct answer is "yes.")

Science alone is not enough

But the problem is more than one of education—it goes deeper, and is a function of our country's culture and history, said study co-author Eugenie Scott, director of the National Center for Science Education in California.

“The rejection of evolution is not something that will be solved by throwing science at it,” Scott said in a telephone interview.

Myers expressed a similar sentiment. About the recent trial in Dover, Pennsylvania which ruled against intelligent design, Myers said "it was a great victory for our side and it’s done a lot to help ensure that we keep religion out of the classroom for a while longer, but it doesn’t address the root causes. The creationists are still creationists—they're not going to change because of a court decision."

Scott says one thing that will help is to have Catholics and mainstream Protestants speak up about their theologies' acceptance of evolution.

"There needs to be more addressing of creationism from these more moderate theological perspectives," Scott said. “The professional clergy and theologians whom I know tend to be very reluctant to engage in that type of ‘my theology versus your theology’ discussion, but it matters because it’s having a negative effect on American scientific literacy."

The latest packaging of creationism is intelligent design, or ID, a conjecture which claims that certain features of the natural world are so complex that they could only be the work of a Supreme Being. ID proponents say they do not deny that evolution is true, only that scientists should not rule out the possibility of supernatural intervention.

But scientists do not share doubts over evolution. They argue it is one of the most well tested theories around, supported by countless tests done in many different scientific fields. Scott says promoting uncertainty about evolution is just as bad as denying it outright and that ID and traditional creationism both spread the same message.

“Both are saying that evolution is bad science, that evolution is weak and inadequate science, and that it can’t do the job so therefore God did it,” she said.

Another view

Bruce Chapman, the president of the Discovery Institute, the primary backer of ID, has a different view of the study.

"A better explanation for the high percentage of doubters of Darwinism in America may be that this country's citizens are famously independent and are not given to being rolled by an ideological elite in any field," Chapman said. "In particular, the growing doubts about Darwinism undoubtedly reflect growing doubts among scientists about Darwinian theory. Over 640 have now signed a public dissent and the number keeps growing."

Nick Matzke of the National Center for Science Education in California points out, however, that most of the scientists Chapman refers to do not do research in the field of evolution.

"If you look at the list, you can't find anybody who's really a significant contributor to the field or anyone who's done recognizable work on evolution," Matzke said.

Scott says the news is not all bad. The number of American adults unsure about the validity of evolution has increased in recent years, from 7 to 21 percent, but growth in this demographic comes at the expense of the other two groups. The percentage of Americans accepting evolution has declined, but so has the percentage of those who overtly reject it.

"I was very surprised to see that. To me that means the glass is half full,” Scott said. “That 21 percent we can educate."

One month away from one of the darkest days in American History

In exactly one month from today, we will be remembering the lives of 2,996 lives lost in one of the deadliest attacks on American soil. We all may have our own opinions of what happened on 9/11, but we can all agree that the number of lives lost is beyond tragic.

On the fifth anniversary of this disaster, The BigNewsDay Blog will join hundreds of other blogs in paying tribute to the victims of 9/11. I am calling on all the members of this site to assist in this tribute. The concept of the tribute is to dedicate our blogs to individuals who lost their lives because of the attacks on that day.

On 9/11/2006, the BigNewsDay Blog will be dedicated to the life of James Thomas Murphy who was a 35 year old New Jersey resident that perrished on that day. I urge all of you to use google or any other search engine to learn more about Mr. Murphy. I would like to have several blog entries that discuss him from different perspectives, but I would like to avoid the use of politics in the entries. I'm sure political discussions will crop up in the commens sections, but we should all refrain as much as possible for that day.

Please pay a visit to the host site for this tribute. I believe this was a wonderful idea, and I feel honored to take part in it.

2,996: A Tribute to the Victims of 9/11

Need one more reason to think this latest "Terror Threat" is bullshit?

I can't believe these photos (hat tip to AmericaBlog and Pirate's Cove.)

If the authorities are so concerned that people are going to be mixing liquids to create an explosive, why are they having people pour out all of their liquids into large containers that will "mix" the chemicals inside?

You gotta be fucking kidding me:

From AmericaBlog:

"Check out the photo below. Yes, Ma'am, we think you might have highly explosive liquids in your possession that could kill thousands of Americans and blow up an entire airplane. So please pour the liquid out in front of these hundreds of passengers, including that small baby just three feet behind you, and into this large bucket mixed with all sorts of other unknown and possibly explosive (and reactive) liquids, including alcohol, peroxide, acids, and more. Yeah, that would be the smart way to dispose of suspected terrorist explosives.

These guys are either lying to us, or criminally negligent morons. But this is coming off as bad as the duct tape fiasco."

"Hands up, all those who smell the bullshit"

Going Out On A Limb Here ...

I posted this on my blog too, but figured I would get a good discussion here. This is in regards to the whole liquid explosives story .........

Man I am sorry, but I am just not believing this shit. I just don't.

Now I know I have a bit of a conspiracy theorist in me, but seriously the timing is just so transparent. Israel and Lebanon ... Iraq ... Iran ... just seems that people were getting fed up with being associated with this whole situation, Lieberman got his ass handed to him. An incumbent (sp) senator who once ran for vice president got pushed out of the party because he supports the war.

I think it's all a sham, and here is why.

CNN.com has this story right now where they say the busted the guys from a tip from a spy. If this were true they would never have even told us about this shit. Those involved would have simply disappeared. They say that some are still at large. I have a hard time believing they would have let any of them get a way, with the technology we have in this day and age. No way.

This never happened, there never was any "liquid explosives" and they just want the population to get scared again so they will be too afraid to not support military action that is going on right now. Plus the whole "spy" story sounds like we are making progress, that we are going to eventually disolve these groups from the inside.

Bull goddamn shit.

Hell, I'm still convinced most of these groups are being funded by weapons manufacturers anyway, probably without the knowledge of the average brainwashed cult member who straps a bomb to their chest to go into a grocery store to kill children. But the head guys who make the "tapes" we see all time ... the Osama's and shit ... they take orders from the same people that Georgie takes orders from.

The big rich fuckers who are playing RISK for real, with real lives, real guns, and real fortunes.

Terror Alert Level - Elmo/Ernie/Bert

I hope no one is planning on flying anwhere anytime soon.

Don't be Skeered

I'm so sick of America acting like terrorists run our everyday lives. This is getting embarrassing. The world heard our paranoia in the media when they revealed that the US World Cup soccer team was the only team that traveled in an unmarked bus, due to fear of terrorism. The Statue of Liberty, the very symbol of our national boldness, has her tail between her legs and is closed to visitors despite $20,000,000 of our money for bomb-detecting equipment. We empty our pockets in airports, and have our grandmothers spread eagle and take her shoes off because we're afraid. Our media won't show a cartoon of Muhammad, because it might provoke terrorism. I'm not hearing any arguments about offending people, either, because the media does that constantly without remorse. We pay $76 for a barrel of crude oil, because "terrorists might disrupt supply at any moment!"

I don't know who started this groupthink, but I'm getting sick of it. I'm not skeered. Who's skeered?

Is Lieberman's Political Career Over?

{Link Here}

So Joe Lieberman concedes. He lost the primary, but vows to run as an "Independant Democrat". Why not just run as a Republican? That's what he is! {Read Here} Oh yeah, if he runs as a "third party" then he will split the Democratic vote and hand over a Republican win in Connecticut (possibly). Win-win for ol' Joe. Either way a Republican will have a vote in Connecticut, wether it's him or someone in the Republican party.

With two Democrats running for Sentate, and Lieberman already in the losing bracket ... there is no way he can pull this off. What then, run for President? There is no way he is going to pull that off, not as a Democrat, Republican, or Independant. This man has fucked himself, and out of spite going to fuck over his party and hand his seat over to a Republican.

Alaskan Oil Fiasco: Another View

The Brilliantly Profitable Timing of the Alaska Oil Pipeline Shutdown
by Greg Palast
For The Guardian (UK)
Tuesday, August 9, 2006

Is the Alaska Pipeline corroded? You bet it is. Has been for more than a decade. Did British Petroleum shut the pipe yesterday to turn a quick buck on its negligence, to profit off the disaster it created? Just ask the "smart pig."

Years ago, I had the unhappy job of leading an investigation of British Petroleum's management of the Alaska pipeline system. I was working for the Chugach villages, the Alaskan Natives who own the shoreline slimed by the 1989 Exxon Valdez tanker grounding.

Even then, courageous government inspectors and pipeline workers were screaming about corrosion all through the pipeline. I say "courageous" because BP, which owns 46% of the pipe and is supposed to manage the system, had a habit of hunting down and destroying the careers of those who warn of pipeline problems.

In one case, BP's CEO of Alaskan operations hired a former CIA expert to break into the home of a whistleblower, Chuck Hamel, who had complained of conditions at the pipe's tanker facility. BP tapped his phone calls with a US congressman and ran a surveillance and smear campaign against him. When caught, a US federal judge said BP's acts were "reminiscent of Nazi Germany."

This was not an isolated case. Captain James Woodle, once in charge of the pipe's Valdez terminus, was blackmailed into resigning the post when he complained of disastrous conditions there. The weapon used on Woodle was a file of faked evidence of marital infidelity. Nice guys, eh?

Now let's talk timing. BP's suddenly discovered corrosion necessitating an emergency shut-down of the line is the same corrosion Dan Lawn has been screaming about for 15 years. Lawn is a steel-eyed government inspector who has kept his job only because his union's lawyers have kept BP from having his head.

Indeed, it's pretty darn hard for BP to claim it is surprised to find corrosion this week when Lawn issued a damning report on corrosion right after a leak and spill were discovered on March 2 of this year.

Why shut the pipe now? The timing of a sudden inspection and fix of a decade-long problem has a suspicious smell. A precipitous shutdown in mid-summer, in the middle of Middle East war(s), is guaranteed to raise prices and reap monster profits for BP. The price of crude jumped $2.22 a barrel on the shutdown news to over $76. How lucky for BP which sells four million barrels of oil a day. Had BP completed its inspection and repairs a couple years back -- say, after Dan Lawn's tenth warning -- the oil market would have hardly noticed.

But $2 a barrel is just the beginning of BP's shut-down bonus. The Alaskan oil was destined for the California market which now faces a supply crisis at the very height of the summer travel season. The big winner is ARCO petroleum, the largest retailer in the Golden State. ARCO is a 100%-owned subsidiary of … British Petroleum.

BP could have fixed the pipeline problem this past winter, after their latest corrosion-caused oil spill. But then ARCO would have lost the summertime supply-squeeze windfall.

Enron Corporation was infamous for deliberately timing repairs to maximize profit. Would BP also manipulate the market in such a crude manner? Some US prosecutors think they did so in the US propane market. The Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) just six weeks ago charged the company with approving an Enron-style scheme to crank up the price of propane sold in poor rural communities in the US. One former BP exec has pleaded guilty.

Lord Browne, the imperious CEO of BP, has apologized for that scam, for the Alaska spill, for this week's shutdown and for the deaths in 2005 of 15 workers at the company's mortally sloppy refinery operation at Texas City, Texas.

I don't want readers to think BP isn't civic-minded. The company's US CEO, Bob Malone, was Co-Chairman of the Bush re-election campaign in Alaska. Mr. Bush, in turn, was so impressed with BP's care of Alaska's environment that he pushed again to open the state's arctic wildlife refuge (ANWR) to drilling by the BP consortium.

Indeed, you can go to Alaska today and see for yourself the evidence of BP's care of the wilderness. You can smell it: the crude oil still on the beaches from the Exxon Valdez spill.

Exxon took all the blame for the spill because they were dumb enough to have the company's name on the ship. But it was BP's pipeline managers who filed reports that oil spill containment equipment was sitting right at the site of the grounding near Bligh Island. However, the reports were bogus, the equipment wasn't there and so the beaches were poisoned. At the time, our investigators uncovered four-volume's worth of faked safety reports and concluded that BP was at least as culpable as Exxon for the 1,200 miles of oil-destroyed coastline.

Nevertheless, m'Lord Browne preens himself with his corporation's environmental record. We know BP cares about nature because they have lots of photos of solar panels in their annual reports -- and they've painted every one of their gas stations green.

The green paint-job is supposed to represent the oil giant's love of Mother Nature. But the good Lord, Mr. Browne, knows it stands for the color of the Yankee dollar.

BP claims the profitable timing of its Alaska pipe shutdown can be explained because they've only now run a "smart pig" through the pipes to locate the corrosion. The "pig" is an electronic drone that BP should have been using continuously, though they had not done so for 14 years. The fact that, in the middle of an oil crisis, they've run it through now, forcing the shutdown, reminds me, when I consider Lord Browne's closeness to George Bush, that the company's pig is indeed, very, very smart.

Videos of the Week

Pearl Jam - Here's to the State of Mississippi

Here's to the land
you've torn out the heart of
HEY ASSHOLES
Go find another country to be part of

Tool - The Pot

This is one of the coolest videos I've seen in a while. Enjoy!

Alaskan oil production facing major setback

Just because this won't effect gasoline inventories or crude availability, don't think that we won't be paying for this at the pump. The decision by BP was an environmentally conservative choice, choosing to replace a section of pipeline that was very close to the acceptable limit for corrosion. The fact that the pipeline has suffered so much corrosion leads to the obvious conclusion that oil from the north slope is sour, and places a very high strain on the infrastructure that handles it, the people who work around it, and the refineries that turn it into something worth putting into our vehicles. "Sour" oil contains hydrogen sulfide, a highly toxic gas that is not only expensive to remove, but hazardous to all employees who work near it.

This shouldn't effect the price of gasoline whatsoever; in fact the government's offer to open the SPR should cause a downward trend in prices. Processing sour Alaskan oil is far more expensive than the cleaner, lighter oil in the SPR that typically comes from wells in the Gulf of Mexico, or imported Saudi Arabian crude. The technical difficulties in producing gasoline and diesel fuel are particularly interesting to me these days as we face declining worldwide production due to the maturity and depletion of the great oil wells that sustained the awesome abundance of cheap fuels for decades past.

Here's something scary: The all-time highest oil producing country for a single day was the USA in 1973, when we produced 10,500,000 barrels nationwide. Saudi Arabia has come close, but they peaked in 1981 just shy of our record. The scary part about it is that both of the highest-producing nations have already seen their greatest production days, and both are in a steady state of decline. American oil production has fallen to just over 5,000,000 barrels per day, nationwide. Saudi Arabia's great Ghawar oilfield produces this amount by itself every single day. It hasn't come without great difficulty, however. The King of all Kings, Ghawar, has been producing more and more water alongside the oil, which strains refinery capacity. In the 1970's and 1980's, the oil that came from the Saudi giants was "dry", containing almost no water. Nowadays, water cuts of 30% are typical throughout the Kingdom. So, to produce 5,000,000 barrels of oil, you have to pump, transfer, and process over 7,000,000 barrels of fluid. This, along with the politics we often discuss, is the reason gasoline will never be cheap again.

Let's enter the weekend on a positive note

My favorite motivational site

Loose Change has nothing on this!

"Loose Change" was a good introduction for most of us to asking some extremely important questions regarding the events of September 11, 2001. Until recently, these theories have been ridiculed as "junk science", and you'd be considered a fool for even bringing it up. Most of these early theories were in fact, junk.

Those days are over. Dr. Steven Jones of the BYU Physics Department has published a paper which fully analyzes public evidence with easily reproducible scientific calculations and laboratory experiments. The paper is very technical by nature, and very long (it took me about an hour to read it, including the time I spend watching the included video evidence). A good summary of his findings can be found here.

He doesn't try to pry into the political realm; he is a scientist, and only urges that a multi-disciplinary, independent investigation look into the aspects which he and his research team are not qualified to study. He does, however, tea-bag the official explaination. I'll put it to you this way: if a government explaination had nuts, they just got kicked by Dr. Jones.

UPDATE BND: I think we may have located spooky1. Check out this Blabbermouth thread. You will need to scroll down to the bottom. Damn Axe, you ripped this dude to shreads.

Public Service Announcement

Guys, don't forget to check your nuts for lumps. "Hey kids feel your balls, so you don't get cancer".

I somehow ran into this image earlier today. It had me laughing my nuts off!

Video of the Week

Ministry - LiesLiesLies

Lyrics (so you can sing along Damnit!)

(spoken)
Gentlemen we have called you together to inform you that we are going to overthrow the United States government
Do you still think that jet fuel brought down the World Trade Center?(Laughter)
Does anybody else see a problem here?
If the government has nothing to hide why are they so afraid to answer a few questions?
This story does not add up

Verse 1
I’m on a mission to never forget
3,000 people that I’ve never met
We want some answers and all that we get
Some kind of shit about a terrorist threat

Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies X3
Surpise surprise
Lies Lies

Verse 2
I’m on a mission to dig up the truth
You think we’re stupid and there’s no proof
Well let me tell you that the time has come
To pull the trigger on the smoking gun

Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies X3
Surpise surprise
Lies Lies Lies Lies

Chorus
Don’t listen to me listen to your head
Don’t listen
Don’t listen to anything, they’ve said
Don’t listen
Lies Lies Lies Lies

(Spoken)
America has been hijacked
Not by Al Qaeda, not by Bin Laden
But by a group of tyrants
That should be of great concern to all Americans

Verse 3
I’m on a mission to bring out the facts
You got your stories but they all have cracks
Misinformation, lies and deceit
What made you think that we were all asleep

Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies X3
Surpise surprise
Lies Lies Lies Lies

Chorus
Don’t listen to me listen to your head
Don’t listen
Don’t listen to anything, they’ve said
Don’t listen

Lies Lies Lies Lies

Outro Chorus
Don’t listen to me listen to your head
Lies Lies Lies Lies

It Sure is Hot Here...

in Chicago! It's the fifth day straight we have 100 degree weather! What the fuck is going on here? I'm 'bout to make me some of them mango'ritas (thanks to BND). They sure hit the spot.

On a side note, the feds may be getting closer to getting Da Mayor here in Chicago, Mr. Richard M. Daley, otherwise known as the Windy City Emperor. Check out the story here.

Redneck Etiquette - Enjoy

Tips from the Redneck Book of Manners

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.



** DINING OUT ***
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

*** ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME ***
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

*** PERSONAL HYGIENE ***
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of
finger foods.

*** DATING (Outside the Family) ***
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.
Some will say! 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday". If the latter is the answer it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."

*** WEDDINGS ***
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

*** DRIVING ETIQUETTE ***
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

*** TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER ***
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.

Important Announcement

Dr. Ken Hawk is back in the office after some much needed R & R. If you are having any problems with your relationships, or just accidently got an appendage stuck in some office equipment, feel free to drop him a line.

Ask Ken Hawk

Energy Independence: A Two-Pronged Strategy

While our elected officials debate on the topic of offshore drilling, we need to push them towards developing a national energy policy that's based on science, common sense, and void of political pork-barrels.

Prong 1: Ease out of foreign oil by using our own

Allow domestic oil & gas production in both ANWR and the Gulf of Mexico. This is not a sustainable replacement for alternative fuel, and cannot be a long-term solution, but if we can put any kind of a dent in our middle eastern imports, then we need to make it happen. America's oilfields are more mature and more depleted than any other nation's on earth, but we may have enough to finish the race- a race that I pray we're actually running. It doesn't matter who's paying who, the more money we invest in middle eastern oil, the more soldier's lives and expensive armor we have to send over there to protect it. Iran cannot afford Uranium enrichment without the sale of oil, and Hezbollah cannot afford rocket artillery. Our hydrocarbon resources must be allowed to come online within this decade, because if we don't use them now, when will we? In 10 years petro-fuels will be nearly obsolete, so let's get 'em to market now so they can make a difference. Resources are not like whiskey or wine- they only become obsolete with age.

Prong 2: Develop alternatives

The importance of commercially viable alternatives cannot be understated. According to renowned economist Stephen Leeb, "it would be less dangerous to remove all traffic signals and air traffic control infrastructure in America for two years than to ignore the coming energy crisis for the same amount of time". Did that get your attention? Write your congressman AND your Senator. Both of them. Mine are sick of hearing it, but they still write me letters to tell me they're listening. I wrote about having NASCAR champion the technology- an idea which is catching fire here in my neck of the woods. I would never push for folks to go out and buy into the already-obsolete hybrid technology; we need to demand a new generation of vehicles and fuels that can bless the American way of life like nothing else has since the Interstate System of the 1950's. If America doesn't take the lead in this role, someone else will. We are at the twilight of the oil age, and our way of life depends on our ability to innovate and lead the world into a new chapter of History.

Hmmm, Interesting .....

Interesting read here, I guess Bruce Dickinson is a professional pilot. Did not know that! This is almost as cool as when Sean Penn took a .22 to New Orleans and rescued people out of the diseased muck shooting at gang members who were fucking shit up.

[Read Story Here]

Cross-posted essay from Green Communist

Hemp Essay I Found A Long Time Ago

What's So Great About Hemp?
By Lee Hitchcox

Historical tradition, if not current federal law, favors hemp. The U.S.Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Gutenberg Bible, and Old Glory (our nation's first flag) were all made from hemp as was the favorite fuel of Henry Ford, the reading lamp oil of Abraham Lincoln,the paints used by Van Gogh and Rembrandt, and the parachute webbing that saved the life of George Bush. [1] Hemp canvas covered the Westward-bound wagons, the tall sailing ships, the biplanes and zeppelins of World War I. Hemp was so crucial to colonial America that its cultivation was mandated by law. [2]

"Make the most of the Indian Hemp seed and sow it everywhere." [3]~George Washington, 1794

Industrial Uses

As an agricultural commodity, hemp is arguably the world's top renewable resource for fuel, paper, cloth, paint, plastic, protein, soap, oil and over 25,000 other products. [4] Anything made from oil or wood can be made from hemp. [5]

Hemp biomass can be converted into fuels (methane, methanol, gasoline) more efficiently than fossil fuels (coal, oil) and without the sulfur oracid rain. [6] Hemp fiberboard is stronger than wood; hemp houses are as strong as cement houses and better insulated. [7] Plastic, rayon, and cellophane made from hemp are biodegradable; plastic and nylon made from petrochemicals are non-biodegradable.

Read the entire essay at Green Communist

Snowball's Chance In Desert Warfare

[CNN Story] --> Read First

I just love the sub-headline "Israeli general expects 'a few more weeks' of combat". That to me seems someone reminiscent of the VICTORY sign on the aircraft carrier where Bush gave that speech oh so long ago after we bombed Baghdad. (Do you see where I am going with this). THIS IS NEVER GOING TO END!

CNN.com today has two stories. One of them is Al Qaeda (which I'm still convinced is a dummy organization for American weapons manufacturers) says they will get involved in the Israel/Lebanon war (which it really is by now). But whats more frightening is another story where Iranian civilians are gathering up to go join Hezbollah on foot. We all know (I hope) that the Iranian Hezbollah's Supreme Leader is none other than Ayatolla Khamenei, a man although no longer the President of Iran, still has a great deal of power in the country. He could command an army in an instant, volunteers would come out of the woodwork. A few days ago they stated they had 2000 volunteers ready to go.

So is this all WWIII? Well, the potential is there, it's a snowball sitting at the top of Mt Everest right now, and Israel is about to push it down the mountain. True, we put the snowball up there, well, our dictators did, but still, no one is really doing anything to stop them.

[CNN Story #2]
[Washington Post Story]

Abuse Of Power Running Rampant, Will It Ever Be Too Much For Americans?

Thanks BND for inviting me to join up. For my first post I offer this to discuss...

When people? When will it be enough that you rise up and fucking have a goddamn spine! You live your drone existence content with lower wages, shittier benefits, gas prices sky high yet record profits for oil companies, a war going on that no one understands, lies, lies, lies spilling out to you on your FOX News Channel. Well, this probably won't be enough to snap you out of it, but read it anyway.

[CNN.com Story]

Walmart: Forced to Pay a Living Wage?

The Chicago City Council is currently debating legislation to force large corporations, those that sell $1 billion annually and operate a store over 90,000 square feet, to pay a living wage ($10/hr + $3 in benefits) if they wish to operate within city limits.

The debate is very heated as proponents of the city ordinance believe it will balance out the negative effects these corporations tend to have on a community, such as driving small businesses to the ground. Opponents claim that this legislation will cause such giants to leave the city, thus robbing people of thousands of jobs.

However, will these giants actually leave Chicago, a thriving city, because their profits will be a couple million less than they expected? I think not. I think these corporations are greedy-enough to pay what they have to pay. They'll likely find ways to hire less people. Nevertheless, it is more likely they'll raise their prices. This will be bad for low-income families. But at least residents will be making more money and have better benefits. We have experienced significant inflation without raising wages. It is time to move along with inflation and pay our workers more. Since companies like Walmart pay low wages, many of their employees request some sort of welfare to make up for the low pay. Taxpayers, as a result, are screwed because of corporate greed.

Let's debate...

The situation is much worse than it appears

According to Saudi King Abdullah, war may be inevitable in the middle east if Isreal doesn't stop it's "brutal" defense of its own borders. This warning has strong echoes of a 1945 meeting between FDR and King Aziz (the founder of Saudi Arabia). In their meeting, which took place within the last two months of FDR's life, King Aziz urged the US President not to support the creation of a Jewish state. Doing so, he warned, would create an infinite war. The King explained that he wishes to have strong ties to the United States, and participate in a league of nations, but if a Jewish state was created, he would have to takes sides with his Arab brothers.

In my opinon, the existence of Israel is as irrelevant of a debate as is the decision to invade Iraq. Both decisions have been made, and now we are left with the consequences. Perhaps if both decisions were made differently, the outcome would have been much more favorable, but that "if" tell us approximately nothing about how to deal with Hizbollah or Muqtada Al-Sadr.

This is purely a religeous war, and no amount of PC can sidestep that issue. State sponsors of Islam are also supporters of the destruction of Israel.

The first thing the west can do is ensure that the Lebanese government takes control of its own country, and removes Hizbollah permanently. If the conflict continues beyond that, then it will either prove Israeli aggression, or prove that someone else is behind the attacks on Israel. Fortunately, Arab moderates (King Abdullah included) will likely suggest this step as they discuss the issue with the world in Rome.

Got to see to believe!

Reporter risking his life in the aftermath of the devastating Hurricane Alberto. What a brave reporter.

Colbert having fun with an uncontested candidate

Now that was f**kin' funny!

Very Cool!

My post below titled "Brief Thoughts of the Middle East Conflicts" made MSNBC's Blog roundup.

The funny thing is that anyone who clicks on the link can read a wonderful comment from Ken Hawk about how not to use a microphone. I laughed for about half an hour on that one.

Iran's Hizbollah says ready to attack US, Israel

TEHRAN (Reuters) - Iran's Hizbollah, which claims links to the Lebanese group of the same name, said on Tuesday it stood ready to attack Israeli and U.S. interests worldwide.

"We have 2,000 volunteers who have registered since last year," said Iranian Hizbollah's spokesman Mojtaba Bigdeli, speaking by telephone from the central seminary city of Qom.

Read more...

OK, This is getting a bit old. Screw Iran and screw Hezbollah. I still say that Iran has a plan in place to try to come out of this whole mess looking like the good guys (see earlier story), by getting the Hezbolla asshats to stand down on command, But I hope the world community isn't dumb enough to fall for that. I know us Americans aren't

Monday's Funnies

Courtesy of Buck Fush

Briefs thoughts on the Middle East Conflicts

Last week, on the same day that the UN Security Counsel agreed to push ahead with demands that Iran stop its nuclear program, Hezbollah militants crossed the Lebanese border into Israel, killing six Israeli soldiers and kidnapping two others. To send a clear message, Israel has repeatedly bombarded the Lebanese infrastructure, destroying the airport, bridges and highways leading to Syria, as well as power plants and numerous positions considered Hezbollah stronghold.

As much as I hate to see the lives of people with no connection to this dispute suffer from these events, I feel that Israel is doing what needs to be done. This is an attempt by the Iranian government to press their agenda on the world community. Hezbollah is not a Lebanese organization, but an Iranian organization working in Lebanon. Unfortunately, the democratically elected government in Lebanon is virtually powerless against the Hezbollah to stop their attacks.

Related Links:

The Hand That Feeds the Fire - Iran's role in all of this
U.S. sends cruise ship for Lebanon evacuees
Bush caught on tape swearing about Syria - Someone teach this dude how to turn off a microphone
Israel plans Lebanon buffer zone to stop attacks
UN calls for Lebanon peace force

Reform this tort, Bitch!

This is a perfect use of the civil system when the criminal system just doesn't cut it. If this is played correctly, it could result in a perjury trap far more brutal than the one Clinton was lured into. We can only hope that Cheney is brought to justice before his fake heart finally gives way and Satan calls him home.

Back from My Short Vacation

Also posted on The Metal Pundit

I just got back from my 5-day vacation to Mexico with my father. This was somewhat of a short-notice journey, decided upon only weeks before departure. Nevertheless, I had a spectacular time hanging out with family and friends.

The primary reason my father and I decided to visit family in Leon, Guanajuato, Mexico, is because both my grandfather and one of my aunts are sick. My grandfather, although now doing much better, had his diabetes catch-up to him as his blood pressure and blood sugar levels soared. My aunt, unfortunately, has been diagnosed with breast cancer. On the bright side, a few second opinions have given her hope that cancer isn't actually present in her breasts. Nonetheless, she is receiving chemotherapy while further analysis is performed.

Since our arrival was met with good news, we proceeded to drink it up! We got ourselves several bottles of tequila, including Corralejo, Don Julio Anejo, Jimador, and Casadores. At night, I would join my cousins in late-night drinking. We went "clubbing" on two of the nights I was there. Let me say that the only good thing about the club scene are the girls. Other than that, the music sucks nuts and liquor is terribly expensive. I suppose dancing and feeling-up Mexican chicks is worth it.

During the day, my father and I would visit family from both his side and my mother's. You see, the entire family lives in Mexico, with the exception of my immediate family, a few cousins, an uncle, and an aunt in Chicago, one aunt in Dallas, and two uncles and family in Los Angeles. We ate great food and just kicked back sipping on Coronas and Victorias.

After three nights of striking out, I finally got laid on the fourth night. The lucky girl is very hot and knowledgeable in bed. She's a light-skinned, blue-eyed, blonde chick with an incredible ass and pretty face. I will honestly say she is out of my league in terms of physical traits. However, I've yet to meet a girl who enjoys talking on an intellectual level with me. Her best quality is the fact that she listens to punk and metal! As a result, we fornicated while playing Metallica's Black Album. Good times!

Since I took American Airlines, I had to stop at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport. I was there for a couple of hours as I waited for the flight to Leon. I looked out the window and wondered where my good friend, BigNewsDay, could be. I almost felt like missing the flight and contacting you dude. One of these days...

So that's a brief summary of the last week. I know I sound overly excited about my vaginal acquisition, but I haven't been getting much lately, so bear with me!

Questions regarding the Fair Tax Act

Alright all of you Fair Tax supporters, please help me with these issues.

• How will gas be taxed? There is no mention of repealing the federal gas tax in the Fair Tax Act of 2005. Does that mean that the 23% sales tax will be in addition to, and on top of the current federal gas tax? What about state gas tax? Will the sate tax that many of us pay, be taxed again by the federal tax? That's going to drive gas prices to near $4.00 a gallon.
• How will business to business transactions be taxed? If they are not taxed, what will prevent people from making personal purchases under the guise of that business?
• Fair Tax supporters mention that the Wal Mart effect will eventually bring prices down due to competition. How will this work with monopolies such as utility companies in many areas?

Here is an interesting article to read about some of the potential flaws in the Fair Tax Act.

These are just a few questions. If anyone has other questions to add, let me know. If anyone has the answers (Axe), please post them to educate us.

Alternative fuels research: Git 'er done!

I'm going to propose my solution to two of our great problems in the year 2006: The fact that alternative fuels are just some daydream instead of something that chemists, mechanics, and engineers are furiously working to develop; and that NASCAR has turned into a redneck soap opera by homogenizing the irrelevant vehicles into true anonymity.

The 2007 NASCAR Nextel Cup winner will be powered by a different alternative fuel at every single racetrack.

Consider this: The reason that Auto Makers sponsor racing in the first place is so that they have a testing lab for their cutting-edge technology. Being a redneck myself, I have a hard time facing that fact that less than 1/10 of 1% of all vehicles on the road are powered by a 358 cubic inch engine fed by 114 octane supergas. To continue developing technology to burn 114 octane supergas is a waste of time and money.

I propose a rotation of renewable, alternative fuels be featured at every single NASCAR track in the 2007 season. This fuses my undying love of capitalism with cutting-edge science and technology. The problem with federal funding to develop technology is that you get "government" grade effort done on a "government" grade schedule. NASCAR holds gigantic purses for those truly brilliant mechanics and engineers who can figure out how to not only crank out mind-blowing power, but also deliver that power in an efficient enough manner to take the checkered flag.

Besides, I'd pick the guy with 12 cars in his front yard that he's used for parts to fix the 3 actually functional vehicles to build a better engine than those bench-racing champions in academia. Crack open another 18-pack of Icehouse, shave a #3 into your back hair, and get your wife an oversized Jeff Gordon t-shirt that covers the FUPA (and/or the BIF), and watch as America races into the age of renewable resources!

Bush gets sued

The family of an Al Jazeera reporter killed during a US bombing in Iraq in 2003 will sue President Bush. Tareq Ayyoub, a reporter for Al Jazeera, was killed on April 8, 2003, during a strike of the building in which the Arab-language TV station was housed. Ayyoub was on the roof of the building for a live broadcast. The Pentagon claimed that the attack had been an accident, having fired after it had detected hostile fire from the building. The incident was featured in the 2004 film Control Room, a documentary about the TV network. Hamid Rifai, a New Jersey-based attorney for Ayyoub's family, will bring the case to court tomorrow. The lawsuit was spurred on by the revelation in the UK newspaper The Mirror in November 2005 of a British government memorandum reporting that Bush expressed a desire to bomb Al Jazeera's world headquarters in Doha, Qatar. Read more here.

EXCELLENT!!!!

Yeah, these are the fucktards that you want to provide military training to. This will be yet another negative side affect of this unnecesary, illegal and immoral war that we'll be feeling for another generation or two.

Kenny Boy Lay got off easy

Or did he? If there's any justice in the world, he's enjoying the firey pits of Hell right now and saving seats for his pals Cheney and Bush.

Am I the only one that thinks its a bit of a "coincidence" that Kenny Boy drops dead of "an apparent heart attack" within days of telling the world that he concidered suicide? I'm hoping that a thorough autoptsy is performed and that they find out he self-induced the attack, thereby negating his life insurance policy. I see no reason why his family should continue to profit off his malfeasance.