A Black Man's Chance In Bush Country

I say, this Obama character is the talk of the day ain't he? Well, I was watching a snippet of one of his speeches and it got me thinking if he really stands a chance. One thing he kept doing was spouting about his Christian this and Christian that, and it was kinda pissing me off but then I thought a little deeper and it makes sense, he doesn't have a choice in the matter. He has to prove somehow he is not a terrorist to the majority of the voters! With a name like that he has to throw the Jesus card and it's almost excusable. Almost.

So I pondered something else too. Something about how Americans vote. Some say it's all a big popularity contest, but that's really not what it is at all. There is just one word that needs to be said about how the modern day (and possibly earlier, I haven't delved into the history of losing candidates so much, and I don't really plan to, ever) voter chooses their candidate. The word is cocky. In the end they vote for the biggest ego, whether or not that ego is necessarily earned at that.

I will explain to you the exact steps that brought me to this. I went back to Kennedy. Kennedy was a fucking cocky ass prick. He was the definition of cocky ass prick. He was a shoe in against most anyone. Well he up and died. Which gave us Johnson, he ran against Barry Goldwater. Barry Goldwater was cocky but he was also kinda creepy and sweaty which just nullifies any level of cockiness. Nixon/Humphrey, Nixon was assuredly the cockier person IMHO. . There is absolutely no doubt that Nixon was the cockier person. Then he ran against George McGovern, kids these days know him as John Kerry. That bring us to Gerald Ford vs. Jimmy Carter. What a weird election, both men not the cocky pricks that we were used to, but in the end I agree with America that Jimmy Carter was cockier than Ford. Some may debate that, but he was more outspoken and almost "gleeful" cocky. It sold.

That brings us to Ronald Reagan. This motherfucker was the king dingaling of cocky, but not in that Kennedy way, more like that Sith Lord, "the antichrist" kinda way. He as well smashed Mondale who was borderline Pat Sajak nerd-a-liscious, I don't know what the Democrats were thinking that year. Then the dark emperor himself Georger Herbert Walker Bush. Read my lips is a cocky fucking statement. Dukakis had mutant hair, America hates a man with strange hair. That creepy factor did him in as well. Bush was creepy due to the CIA stuff, but Dukakis was really fucking creepy. I remember that guy.

Then we met Bill Clinton. At first we thought he was another Kennedy, he had all the makings, he defeated Sauron with a swift swing of his saber. But when that saber ended up in an interns mouth and it wasn't a super model's mouth, we realized he was just a dirty pimp. But he was a cocky motherfucker. Dole wasn't cocky enough to take him down. Dole was shady, everyone knew that if he won he would have sold us out just like he sold out to Viagra. A truly embarrassing moment in Americana. Gore, poor Gore, the exception to the rule, yet not the exception to the rule. So cocky he claimed to have invented the internet. Now that is ballsy, but in the end those who can steal an election and not have the rightful winners fight to the death for their right are truly cockier.

John Kerry, what a spineless jellyfish. The best site of the time was www.johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com. They should have chosen Howard Dean, he had the crazy bastard cocky down pat. He may have been enough to swing the late voters when they are looking at their cocky meter in the booth.

Alas, we come full circle.

Barrack Obama, he is a cocky guy. He is running as this "outsider" in his campaign. That he is different than all these old Dems and Reps that have been sucking us dry for so long. But he has yet to really (that I know of) pull an "Eddie Murphy in The Distinguished Gentleman" and prove some of this corruption that he talks about. I know he doesn't want to get killed, but if he went on an all out bi-partisan tirade of corruption conquering - that would be the shit. I'm not predicting he will get even close to the nomination, but if he is sincere in his words, that's what he would do. And that would be cock and balls. These are what get you elected in this country.

-GC