Andy Capp's Rant

OK, this is a rant that a good friend of mine posted on his MySpace Page. I figured I would share it with the rest of you. I may not agree with everything he has to say, but most of it is spot on. Enjoy!

This is my little rant. This is not some message I copied from another bulletin or blog, this is all original writing by Andy Pugh. I know its long, but I feel its useful reading. I do know this is just my opinion, so don't write me back telling me that you don't agree. I don't care if you agree or not. If you do want to write back and share your thought that's fine. Feel free to re-post this and add to it. I'd like it if I was given credit for writing it, but that's up to you.

I feel so irritated at people in the world sometimes because they can't seem to see past their own nose. Below is my little rant about things that I've noticed people do that really just annoy the crap out of me. I'll try to keep it organized for easy reading.

I have grouped them into the following sections, so feel free to skip around if you want:
Supermarkets/Stores
Dress/Attire
Driving
Neighborhoods
Overprotecting Kids
Changes in Policy
Online Activity

Let's begin

Supermarkets/Stores:
1) People, you need to learn to navigate your shopping carts in the same manner you do your car. Pass on the right, don't park it right in the middle of the aisle, and don't let your little kids push it in a crowded store.

2) Treat the aisles like a road system. There are main aisles that run the length of the store and smaller aisles that run between the main aisles…..Just like every other road system in the world. If you were driving, would you come hauling ass out of the sub streets onto a main street without first stopping/pausing to make sure it's clear? I didn't think so. Do the same thing at the store. If you are approaching the end of your aisle and about to dump out into the main aisle, pause and make sure someone isn't passing by your aisle on the main aisle first. I can't count the number of times I've almost had my basket T-boned or get hit myself because some idiot came barreling out of the aisle. Think people.

3) If you or your kids knock something off the shelf, pick it up. Leaving it there and acting like nothing happened only creates more work for the people that have to clean up after your stupid ass.

4) If you pick up something and decide you don't want it, either take it to someone that works there or put it back where you got it. Don't just stick it in between some other product. As someone that had to do Data Integrity for 2 years and try to keep the system database up to date with current product count, it is immensely frustrating when the system shows you have 1 more of an item you can't find anywhere.

Dress/Attire:
1) Pull your damn pants up. You look like a complete moron walking around with a belt on and your pants hanging below your ass. You know it's a problem when you have to hold on to them when you walk or keep pulling them up. Here's a little info you need to know about that: The idea of having your pants saggin like the way you think is so popular, was created in prison. It is a way to signify you belong to someone else. It means, in simplest terms you can understand, you are somebody's bitch. That's right. So, all your tards walking around with your pants around your knees and just showing your ignorance and letting the rest of the informed world know you are somebody's bitch.

2) Baseball hats are designed to keep the sun out of your eyes. What the hell caused the epidemic of retards that flatten the bill out and tilt it sideways? Do they not know it makes them look like a moron? Here's the deal people….If you aren't in a rap video, don't dress like you are. They look stupid on TV and you look even dumber on the streets.

3) We need more role models in the spotlight like Michael Jordan was. He convinced kids that they could be whatever they wanted without following the crowd. Nowadays', the only role models to the youth are thuggish sports stars, or thuggish rap stars. So, these kids naturally dress like their role models and act like them because it's "Cool". No its not. Why is it the youth of today complain about being judged the same as everyone else, but they dress and act like everyone else? You can't have it both ways. If you want to be treated and respected like an individual, act like one.


Driving:
(This category is one of my biggest pet peeves)

1) Read the signs. I have yet to drive anywhere that didn't tell you what intersection/highway was coming up well before you get to it. If you are in the far left hand lane and know you have to exit to the right, get your ass to the right hand lane further back than 25 feet before the exit. If you are exiting that way, get there and stay there. I'm tired of people giving me the finger because they were busy talking on their cell phones or texting someone and wasn't paying attention and now want in my lane in front of me.

2) If you are entering a highway/freeway, you have an acceleration lane. It does run out eventually. Start trying to merge into the first lane immediately after getting on the highway. I hate when people speed up and drive all the way to the end of the acceleration lane and then try to cut people off to get in. Stop it!

3) If it bumper to bumper traffic, stay in your lane unless you are moving to the appropriate lane to exit in. You getting pissed and swerving into another lane do nothing but make the traffic worse. You still aren't moving any faster and moving up 25 feet quickly only to have to hit the brake and inch along again, is wasted effort and not to mention, makes you look like an ass.

4) Put your damn cell phones away! I believe it is possible to drive normally while talking on the phone. I know, but I seem to be one of the few people that drive the same while on the phone as I do while I'm not on the phone. I do understand that sometimes you have to take a call, but get an ear piece and use it. My big question….why is it people can drive normally and carry on a conversation with people in the car, but they can't carry on a conversation on a cell phone and drive. Same concept.

5) Unless you have a kid that is throwing up in the backseat, you should never need to put your vehicle in park when going through a drive-thru. I hate that. If you are so impatient that you can't hold the brake for 2 minutes while the person in front of you gets their food, then get out and go in.

6) If you are sitting at a traffic light, you need to be looking forward waiting for the light to turn green. That is not your allotted time to balance your checkbook, rummage through the glove box or dig in the back seat. Argh! I hate when I have to sit through a light more than once because some dumbass wasn't paying attention.

7) Turn down your crappy music. I like most forms of music and don't care if people like or dislike what I listen to. I also enjoy listening to loud music while driving, but I don't feel the rest of the neighborhood needs to hear what I am listening to. Especially, late at night. If it's after dark, turn the crap off. Some people have to get up way before the sun does or have kids and don't like having their house vibrate off its foundation. Those of you that have a $3000 stereo system in your car that you can hear a mile away are morons. Despite what you think, Nobody and I mean nobody wants to hear what you are listening to. I listen to my music loud and if I can hear yours over mine, it's too loud. What's the point anyway? At that volume, you can't even hear the music from inside the vehicle.

8) Look up the definition of "keep up with the flow of traffic." If the speed limit on the highway is 65 and everyone else is driving 75, you need to push the gas peddle a little harder. You driving 10mph slower than the thousands of people driving 10mph faster than the speed limit are far more dangerous. Do not get anywhere near the fast lane unless you drive fast. General rule of thumb is that the fast lane is at least 5mph faster than the other lanes. If you are one of these people that want to be an outstanding citizen and drive the speed limit and complain about the thousands of people passing you, get off the highway.

Neighborhoods:
1) You know, I loved my childhood. I love the freedom of being able to run around all over the block I lived on without worrying about my neighbors or traffic or the threat of being shot/kidnapped. That is tragic. I don't have kids yet, but I am already sorry for them because they will never get to see the freedom I did as a kid, and I'm not that old so it wasn't that long ago. I rode my bike, skateboard, and rollerblades all over the place and nobody cared. Now, you have neighbors that would shoot you if you stepped foot in their yard, streets that are overcrowded so its unsafe to even let your kids out of the front yard, and the thug youth of America available to influence you kids in the wrong way.

Overprotecting Kids:
1) How many people wore pads while riding their bike or skateboard as a kid? Show of hands….nobody. As a kid, you are designed and required to get bumps, bruises and scrapes. Its part of being a kid. It's how you learn to dust yourself off, pick yourself up and keep going. These parents that deck their kids out in full body gear to ride their bike, with training wheels, are being way too overprotective.

2) I read, not too long ago, that there has been a nationwide ban in elementary schools that prevents kids from playing tag. Can you believe that! Tag?!?. Some stupid parents complained because their child was playing tagged, got knocked down and got a little scrape on their knee. Boo Hoo! Cry me a damn river. As mention above, kids fall down. You overprotective parents are ruining everything by getting things like this banned. Now, they can only play tag indoors and has to have at least 3 adults supervising them. We played dodge ball with a basketball and nobody got anything more than an occasional bruise. Guess what…..we are all still alive and our wounds healed. I know, it's shocking.

3) There is a difference between spanking and beating a child. I'll bet most everyone reading this was spanked as a child. Did you die? No, you learned right from wrong. Putting a child in "time out" does nothing but give them time to think about the next rotten thing they are going to do. Those people that think you should never strike a child obviously have never been around them. A little spanking never hurt anybody and I think the youth of today might be a little more respectful to parents, teachers, coaches and other adults if they had been taught that from the beginning. I feared my mom growing up because I knew she had a paddle that looked like a canoe paddle and it hurt. I never had any bruises or broken bones, but I had my fair share of spankings.

Changes in Policy:
1) Why is it, in this country, a few voices can mess up things for the rest of us? Case in point….Prayer in school. I know, it's a big deal. You know the largest religion in America is Christian right? The religion the country was founded on? Well, then why is that we can no longer say a prayer in school. If you played any sport, how many of you remember saying the Lord's Prayer before a game? Most of you? That's because it's appropriate. We aren't praying for the death of our enemy, we are praying for the protection of the players. This should be the policy….If it offends you, I don't care. You don't care that it offends me that I can't do it, so why should I care if it offends you when I do it? How about that logic. You go about your day and pray to your stick, or whatever Deity you pray to and I'll pray to mine. Because of a few people, the 10 Commandments can't even hang in the courts anymore. How stupid is that. If it offends you, don't read it. If you don't believe it, who cares. Why should America change its policies because something offends you. You have the freedom to worship whomever you choose, but you also have the freedom not to.

2) Political Correctness. I understand that there is a time and a place for everything. I do, but people are way too sue happy in this country. You can't even crack a joke in the office without worrying about offending somebody and them suing the company for millions of dollars. How does that make sense? What happened to the good ol' days when you minded your own business? In the old days, if you saw an attractive woman working in your office, you could approach her, and compliment her and possibly ask her on a date. Nowadays, if you do that, you will be hit with a sexual harassment lawsuit. Once again….sue happy. Everyone looking for a quick buck.

3) I'll go ahead and hit another touchy subject. Immigration. It's obviously a problem. I know, some people say they are doing the jobs we don't want to. That's fine, more power to them if they want to pick lettuce for less than minimum wage, but come into the country the legal way. I think they should change a few laws and it would help with the problem. 1) If you aren't a US citizen and you have a child on US territory, it does not automatically make them a US citizen and grant you the right to stay here. 2) If you are not a US citizen, you are not allowed to attend any public education institute. 3) you do not qualify for healthcare or financial assistance if you are not a US citizen. I know this country was founded by immigration and I am thankful for that diversity, but we have way too many people that come to this country and expect a handout and then criticize the country and fly their native flags in their front yard and proclaim their native country.

4) I believe it was Roosevelt that said, if you come to this country and live in this country you are a citizen of this country and will not pledge allegiance to another country. All you dumbass people out there that live here and fly other countries flags need to go back to your country if it's so great. Why are you even here if your home land is so great? Oh, that's right….your country is in poverty or at war and there are no jobs, scarce food and no healthcare. Hmm…sounds like a wonderful place to call my homeland.

5) Why is it people believe they should rally together and change something they have a choice not to participate in? For example….there used to be a radio station here that played great music, had a funny morning show and the DJ's were usually pretty outrageous in their topics for discussion. Well, their show offended some people so they rallied together and got the station changed. It's now a Spanish station, after it went to a alternative rock station. Whatever happened to changing the dial? If I didn't like a TV show or a song on the radio, I changed to another station. What gives these people the right to stir the pot because they don't like something they have a choice in participating in? This idea could cover so many different topics. People, you have a choice in this Country as to what you do and don't do. If you don't like something, don't do it, but don't try to change it "for the good", just because you don't like it.

Online Activity:
1) If you participate in online forums, chats or newsgroups of any sort, don't argue with people in the thread. It makes you look like an ass to the other thousands of people that read it. If you have some beef someone, send them a private message or get a life. You most likely don't know them and never will so why are you letting someone you don't know piss you off in a public forum.

2) Stop forwarding on emails that are in the following topics:
(a). "Send this email and watch what happens after you send it" – The only way something is going to happen is if you already have a virus on your system. If you get these, please delete them and stop clogging everyone else spam folder full of them.
(b). "If you get an email with subject "A post card from a friend", delete it. It's a virus that will erase your hard drive" – For starters, there is no virus that can erase your hard drive. Second, this is a hoax that has been going on for many years. Please, for the love of God, stop spreading this around. This and so many other emails of a similar title. If you are unsure, ask me and I'll happily tell you one way or another.
(c) "AOL/Microsoft/Bill Gates/Etc… is sharing his fortune….and will pay x number of cents/dollars every time this is sent or reposted" – Never has happened, Never will happen. There is no way for them to trace the number of times it's been emailed or posted. Plus, nobody is that stupid.
(d) "kid with cancer emails" - 99% of these are hoaxes and are just spreading the spam.

3) Quit posting in forums and bulletins/blogs stuff like "I make X number of dollars a week doing nothing but taking online survey's" or "Click here to get your free ipod". Its f-in annoying and pisses a lot of people off.


If you have read all the way up to this point, I appreciate it and you are probably bored to tears. I am going to stop this rant for now. I might decide to write a part 2 eventually though.