Thursday, May 18, 2006

One More Day Till The Whining Wingnuts Have Their Shreikgasm

Catho-holics and Fundamentalist Mouthbreathers throughout the land will be on an amphetamine-fueled rampage beginning May 19 with the release of the film version of Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code. They've been gearing up for this for months, perhaps even for years, as the book began to skyrocket up the charts. What's sending the outrage-addicted, frothing minions into binge-drinking of wingnut-flavored Kool-Aid is the fact that the fictional novel dares to use alternative theories of history to the Church-Approved mythology that a nice little Jewish boy was born of a virgin, died a virgin and magically flew out of his grave after having been murdered by the very people he came to save. Never mind the fact that this very same archetypical "Hero's Myth" has existed in numerous cultures long before the supposed birth of Christ. We'll save that for another post.

So yes, Dan Brown committed the cardinal sin of offering an alternative version to the official myth, causing people across the globe to wonder if there may just be some things that they were taught in Sunday School that might not be factually correct. And now the Cretins of Christianity are on the warpath against Brown and his book. This all goes hand in hand with the charges of Blasphemy and War on Christianity that flow freely from the pulpits of America and from the blather-holes of the hyperventilators at Faux News. Yes, its all true, Little Ones, your religion is being examined for historical accuracy, debated, criticized and even mocked. Well guess what wingnuts, if your "faith" can't withstand a little questioning and/or ridicule, just how strong is it? How much "faith" can you have in your own faith when you advocate taking legal action against someone who dares to question it?

But how much of this is about faith and how much about good old fashioned greed? Check out There are at least a dozen books on the market purporting to "debunk" (How do you debunk a work of fiction?) DVC. Looks to me like these guys saw the tens of millions of dollars flowing into Dan Brown's bank account and decided to piggyback on his phenomenal success, thus engaging in at least two of the Seven Deadly Sins; Envy and Greed, and most likely a third; Anger.

Its not only other authors that are capitalizing on Brown's success, but churches themselves are getting on it. And this makes sense. Think about it, if one church announces that they will have a sermon next Sunday discussing the relevance of Luke Chapter 16 (Look it up) and one across the street announces that they will be discussing a book that at least 40 million people have recently read, which one do you think will fill the pews (and thusly, the collection plates) more on that Sunday?

Websites, dedicated to selling books, organizing protests and of course, soliciting donations have sprung up all over the place. Check out The American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family and Property (TFP)'s site. What I really love about these guys is their nifty logo that looks like something that a Medieval Templar would have on his shield and/or breastplate while riding of into battle against the hordes of Mohammedism. They really believe they are taking up the mantle of the ancient Crusaders by organizing their little protest at multiplexes across the nation. Onward, Christian Soldiers!! And be sure to stop by the Bed Bath and Beyond next to the theater after the protest is over.

But other than greed and envy, perhaps there's another motivation to attack the book and its author: Yet another Weapon of Mass Distraction. Setting up an battling a fictional strawman is far preferable for the Catholic Church than having to continue to explain to their parishioners and the public at large why Holy Mother Church spent decades simply reassigning exposed pedophile priests rather than turning them over to legal authorities as was their lawful and moral responsibility. Never mind the children! Look at was this damned book is saying about that whore, Mary!

But wait, you Baptists and Fundamentalists also have good reason to seek distractions and get the attention off your own failures and inadequacies. Teri Schiavo, anyone? How about the debate over "Intelligent Design" and evolution? How about using rampant homophobia, racism, sexism and superstition as political weapons? But hell, never mind all those affronts. Nothing to see here, move along. Lets talk about The War On Christmas and Da Vinci Code. Remember, you, the 80% of America that calls itself Christian, you are the ones who are the real victims here. Never forget that.

And speaking of the Religious Right, check out the lasted pronouncement that God On High whispered into the ear of our favorite lunatic

And just what the fuck is "Blasphemy" anyway? Anytime anyone says anything that questions or mocks or rejects the official doctrine of The Church, they are accused of blasphemy. I guess sanctions against "blasphemy" were the original Political Correctness. Why can't I disbelieve and strongly denounce or mock your religion? In the Marketplace of Ideas, why is a religion to be singled out as a protected monopoly, free from the burden of having to "compete" equally with other religions, philosophies, beliefs and codes of conduct? Why should Christianity be given a no-bid contract? Who do they think they are, Halliburton? Why does it need to be protected? Are these religious beliefs built upon such a fragile house of cards that their leaders and many practitioners fear that a few good blasts from the realms of Reason, Literature, Art or Humor can bring it all crashing down?

One man's religion is another mans quaint allegory and/or mythology. But as long as it gives you comfort and meaning, that should be enough. The desire/obsession to make your neighbors believe and behave as you do just stems from insecurity in yourself and your faith. If you chose to believe that your spiritual leader died a virgin and flew out of his grave like David Blaine, good for you. If someone else wants to believe that he married and had kids, who does that hurt? Only your fragile ego, that someone might believe differently than you.

Remember, it was one of our genius forefathers, Thomas Jefferson, who once wrote, "But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."

Update: Manila bans showing of "The Da Vinci Code"
City councillor Benjamin Asilo, who authored the resolution, said malls and cinema owners who defy the ban risked being fined, or their owners imprisoned. Those caught selling pirated DVDs or VCDs of the movie could also be jailed for up to six months, Asilo warned. The Philippines is Asia's bastion of Catholicism, with over 80 percent of its 84 million population belonging to the religion.



BigNewsDay said...

Great post blsabob! I think it is pretty damn funny that there is such an uproar about a work of fiction. Some people need to get a fucking life.

BigNewsDay said...

I think the reason so many people are up in arms is that there is such a lack of common sense these deays, and they are afraid people will not believe this is only a fictional movie. We need to do more to cater to the brain dead.

BigNewsDay said...

...and one more thing.

I was watching Superman II with my son the other day, and I noticed something very interesting. When either Superman or any of the three criminals from Kripton (sp?)fly out a window, the seem to fall straight down. I think I'm going to write a book debunking the myth of Superman. $$$$$$$$$$$$

B.L. Sabob: now "completely heterosexual" said...

This one was a lot of fun to write. A great big tip of the fedora to Hunter S. Thompson, George Carlin, Bill Maher and Denis Leary for their inspiration.

Goremaster said...

that pic rules!

The Revelator said...

It's a bitch being laffed at by ones peers in Hollywierd, Opie.

The movie stinks on ice and reviewers are panning it for the bomb that it is.

Tough crap, Howard.

When your stuff blows, it's time to quit.

No one's buying your premise, and therefore, the movie's a political flop as well.

The Revelator
Beverly Hills, CA

B.L. Sabob: now "completely heterosexual" said...

well, if no one's buying the premise, why are the Christian wingnuts whining like pussies about it?

BlackLabelAxe said...

Good Post!

I´m a Christian, but it doesn´t bother me when people prove or disprove something that happened 2,000 years ago. My faith isn´t built on something as fragile as what day Jesus was born on, or what time he died and who was there was he did. The specifics are infinitely less important than the meaning of his message.

On questioning one´s faith:

I´ve heard it said before that preachers are afraid of your questions; God knows that you asking questions means that you´re paying attention!

People really do take this shit too seriously. It was written as an act of fiction, and like you´ve said, people have actually written books proving what, that it was indeed fiction?!

Those same people that grew up in the middle east are the ones bitching about cartoons of Muhammed.

BlackLabelAxe said...

Oh, and sorry for any misspellings and other typos- this German keyboard is fucking me up. That, and I just had my index finger nerve re-attached surgically from my Ken Hawk-style drunken knife handling experience.

It doesn´t look like I´m going to get to see Down tonight. The show sold out, and we´re looking at a 9.5 hour train ride to Köln. That´s a long, expensive train ride just to find tickets that we´ll have to pay out the ass for if we can even find any! We´re probably going to stay in town because Chimaira, Unearth, and Madball are playing right down the strasse from us in München. I´ll take pictures and let yáll know how it was.

Other than that, I´m getting drunk every day off the greatest beer on earth in Munich, Germany. This truly is a beer drinker´s paradise. I´ll be back at headquarters on Wednesday, so I´ll post more then.

BigNewsDay said...

Axe, I hope you are having a kick ass time over there. Drink a few (or more) good German beers for me. That sucks about the whole Down thing. Hopefully, they will do a full tour of the states when the return from Europe.

Goremaster said...

that sucks. hope you see em in the future.

B.L. Sabob: now "completely heterosexual" said...

Good comments Axe. That goes to show everyone that the vast majority of Christians are not annoying fanatics. Unfortunately, its the annoying fanatics who make the most noise and get the most press. Extremism, be it from the left or the right, from a religion or group of sports fans, is just fucking pathetic. And it tends to ruin the fun for the majority of us who live between the fringes.

Fortunately, it appears that humanity is not so easily influenced by the extremists in terms of entertainment as they are in politics. In Italy, the film more than doubled the previous record for opening day grosses, despite (or perhaps because of) the Vatican's call for a boycott. In the US, it posted the 12th highest opening day gross in history.

So let the fringe lunatics howl with dismay. We get to point and laugh.

Now, if we could only get the religious fanatics to have as little influence in Washington DC as they seem to have on our tastes in entertainment, we may really be getting somewhere!!

Goremaster said...

hey bnd, i got another poll idea. whos the biggest idiot ROUND 2. this time with madeinquebec and bill.

Goremaster said...

wait, forget bill. spooky1 vs madeinquebec.

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