Friday, January 04, 2008

Interview with Bill O Reilly

I have recently sat down with the undisputed champion of ass-clownery, Bill O Reilly. Here is the interview.

Al Bundy: Bill, I would like to thank you for joining us today for this interview--you are greatly respected here at Big News Day.
Bill O Reilly: Thank you very much, it's certainly a pleasure.
AB: Okay, lets just get some rather ugly rumours out of the way--you are a lightning rod of sorts and the rumours tend to get a bit nasty.
BOR: I agree.
AB: Bill, are you currently a member of the North American Man Boy Love Association?
BOR: Wait a second now--this is outrageous. I'm not going to sit here and let you...
AB: No. You're going to answer the damn question Bill.
BOR: What the hell kind of outfit is this.
AB: I ask the goddamn questions--you answer the goddamn questions. Again, are you a dues paying member of the North American Man Boy Love Association?
BOR: I've never heard this rumour, where the hell did you get this.
AB: It's a YES or NO question Bill.
BOR: No.
AB: Good. I'm glad we could clear this up for you.
BOR: Well thanks for that.
AB: Your sarcasm is unnecessary.
BOR: Are you always this aggressive in interviews?
AB: Again Bill, I ask the goddamn questions.
BOR: Fine, go ahead.
AB: Thank you. Now, as I stated before you are a lighting rod thus you've been called a lot of names--such as staunch conservative, Right Winger, cranky conservative, things like that. Does this sit well with you? Is this fair?
BOR: I'm proud to be a conservative, besides, names and labels don't hurt me at all.
AB: You've also been called a Right Wing douche, the King of Right Wing Douches, a gerbil molesting closet queer, a snoodler, a cock stuffing man chowder commando, a tool, a Right Wing tool, Bush's tool, Rupert Murdoch's boy toy, a shit eating fucktard, a conservative cum dumpster, media whore, king of media whores, donkey raping king of media whores, megalomaniac, Right Wing cock jocky, troglodyte, George Bush's personal Monica Lewinski, shit face cockmaster--Bill the list could go on for miles. Does any of this bother you?
BOR: I don't know what kind of crap you're trying to pull here but...
AB: Watch your fucking language--think of the children. I bet you don't kiss your gay lover with that mouth, do you?
BOR: I'm out of here.
AB: You're going nowhere. Now sit you're fat ass down and answer the damn questions.
BOR: Fine, let's hurry this up.
AB: You've stated earlier that you are not a current member of NAMBLA--My next question to you is: Do you know somebody in NAMBLA? Are you associated with any members of the North American Man Boy Love Association?
BOR: This is ridiculous.
AB: This is NOT ridiculous. These are legitamite questions that demand answers and NOT you're typical conservative run around, bluster, and spin. This is the REAL No Spin Zone--now answer the damn question.
BOR: I can't take this any more.
AB: Shut Up--cut his mic.


BigNewsDay said...

you forgot soap-dropping ankle grabber.

Lefty Metalhead said...

I can very much see this interview really happening. Poor Bill O'LIElly, he's just misunderstood. He really isn't a snoodler. He's actually a Giuliani cross-dressing mental midget.

BigNewsDay said...

I bet he is sucking Ann Coulter's dick at this very moment.

Al Bundy said...

I wouldn't doubt it. Somebody had to ask him these questions though.