Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Ten Commandments for Drivers?

The Vatican just released their Ten Commandments for Drivers; I was reading over the list and realized that it does not address many of the issues that should be addressed. So, I made my own list.

BND’s Ten Commandments for Drivers:

1. Thou shalt not get in BND’s way dammit.
2. If you are in the far left lane of the freeway and are not in the process or about to be in the process of passing someone, thou shalt immediately pull off the freeway and sell thou’s car.
3. Thou shalt use your fucking turn signals.
4. Thou sure the hell shalt not drive at a slow pace directly next to another car that is driving the same slow pace, therefore forcing traffic to stack up behind you.
5. All cell phone calls while driving must be very important and kept to a minimum length.
6. Thou shalt never, under any circumstance, stop at a yellow light.
7. Yield does not mean stop, and stop does not mean yield. Learn the fucking difference asshole.
8. If you are driving at or below the posted speed limit and you see a cop, DON”T SLAM ON YOUR BREAKS!!!!!
9. Don’t throw your garbage out the window of your car.
10. If you have babies or small children in your car, you better have them securely seated in the appropriate child seat.

Those who dare to break these commandments will be forced to listen to korn and linkin park for eternity while they burn in hell.

What would your Ten Commandments be?
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Ken Hawk's 10? Commandments of Driving:

1. pEOpl e neeD to get off the sidewalk. how am i SUppOSed to drive on there?
2. beaTing off in my car shoUdln't be an arrestable offense, i mean its my cAr.
4. i tried thaT stunt from speeD where teh bus jujmps over that broken highwaY, anD it didnt' worK. that ShouLD be able to woRk.
f. i still wanT to poInt oUT that theY need to fix the GasOliNE isSUe, i rUn oUT of gas eveRy week and still have to be towed to my mechanic.
7. cars shoUld have breaks. im tired of haviNg to crash Into my hOSue everyday to get teh car tO stop.
6. WHen yOu sell A guy a car you shoUld be honEst abouT it. if my Car was really amfibious there WoulDnt be a ford escoRT at the bOTtoM of a pOol in suburban cHicago.

Ken aHwk!
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If you fail to obey those rules, Ken may stop by for dinner.
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Blaspherion's 10 Commandments of Driving

1. When a police car is near, always race them and if you win, flip em off.
2. Always have a copy of Pestilence's Consuming Impulse in your car to blast at full volume.
3. When approching a car with a W. Bush sticker. always get in their way to show your Anti-Bush sticker and flip them off.
4. DO NOT BLAST rap music, mallcore, country, pop-punk/emo, pop, etc.
5. Always blast METAL.
6. Always stay the fuck out of my way.
7. Read rule 6.
8. Read rule 6 and 7, twice.
9. Always go over the speed limit.
10. Read rules 1 - 10 5 times.

Anyone who shall defy must be FORCED to listen to Limp Bizit's Rollin for all of eternity.

3 comments:

ken hawk said...

1. pEOpl e neeD to get off the sidewalk. how am i SUppOSed to drive on there?
2. beaTing off in my car shoUdln't be an arrestable offense, i mean its my cAr.
4. i tried thaT stunt from speeD where teh bus jujmps over that broken highwaY, anD it didnt' worK. that ShouLD be able to woRk.
f. i still wanT to poInt oUT that theY need to fix the GasOliNE isSUe, i rUn oUT of gas eveRy week and still have to be towed to my mechanic.
7. cars shoUld have breaks. im tired of haviNg to crash Into my hOSue everyday to get teh car tO stop.
6. WHen yOu sell A guy a car you shoUld be honEst abouT it. if my Car was really amfibious there WoulDnt be a ford escoRT at the bOTtoM of a pOol in suburban cHicago.

Ken aHwk!

ken hawk said...

oh ANd ROaCh joe is an aSsHoLE.

Lefty Metalhead said...

Great top-ten lists gentlemen!!!