Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Who will be the Blabbermouth Party Candidate?

We need a third party to step up and show the Dems & Repubs what's up. Our good friend Al Bundy has suggested that we pull potential candidates from the vast list of blabbermouth posters. If you would like to be included, or knows of someone that should be included in the first ever Blabbermouth Party Primary, please submit your/their name in the comments section below. I will accept nominations for one week, and then we will begin the primary election, which will last for two weeks.

Please include reasons why you should be the Blabbermouth Party Candidate.

Update: Here are a list of the current nominees
Al Bundy / BlackLabelAxe
FuckHaters (Lefty) / BigNewsDay


B.L. Sabob: now "completely heterosexual" said...


He's the only guy who can make Dubya look smart

Lefty Metalhead said...

I guess I'll include myself. Throw in "fuckhaters" for me! Time for the campaign to start rolling!

BigNewsDay said...

You got it brother!

Al Bundy said...

i WILL lower gas prices. ill make sure mtv will be done with and it will no longer exist. there will be a better justice system too and more jails and we will make sure nobody trys to escape from prison. also at concerts i promise that we will have better security so nobody will shoot another great musican or anybody else in the crowd. we will check for weapons so this thing doesent happen again cause your safety is my concern. if you vote for me ill make sure we should only fight the ones who started this war and NOT the other countrys that had nothing to do with the war we were originally in. i promise we will sell better cds at cd stores. i promise youll find death, darkthrone, cannibal corpse, possessed, hallows eve,the berzerker etc.etc. cds in your local record store. i will make sure cencorship is a thing of the past. and thats just to name a few of the things ill do for this great country.


VOTE FOR AL BUNDY. ill take care of issues big and small.

Al Bundy said...

ill include myself

Al Bundy said...

also get blacklabelaxe in their. he is a fellow atlanta metalhead like myself.

Al Bundy said...

i mean
typos piss me off.

CHINA JOE said...

i agree with kissrules, cause he would make dubya look like staven fucking hawking.
why not ken hawk??

i'd run, but i dont think id even vote for myself

BigNewsDay said...

I've sent a message to Mr. Hawk informing him of my Primary.

BlackLabelAxe said...

Mr. Bundy, I accept your nomination as your running mate!

As VP, I will stomp the shit out of special interests, and wrestle the IRS into submission. Terrorism will be tea-bagged and humiliated, and will NOT be allowed to generate fear and votes any longer.

Censorship will be obliterated once and for all. All who protest this will be shown the South Park movie until they understand.


BlackLabelAxe said...

I would like to propose one more thing as the Bundy/BlackLabelAxe ticket:

The Ken Hawk advice column will be made available for all newspapers to publish on the front f*cking page of every newspaper in the country.

Georgia Metalheads!

BigNewsDay said...

Damn, that's going to be hard to beat!

Blabber Basher said...

i am a candidate

BigNewsDay said...

What is your platform Mr. Basher?

Lefty Metalhead said...

Lefty Metalhead's platform coming soon! Watch out fuckers!

BigNewsDay said...

Need a running mate Lefty?

BigNewsDay said...

I will make it legal to shoot motherfuckers in the head that drive too slow in the passing lane! I will also make it legal to forcefully pull over people who are paying more attention to there cell phone call than to driving. Once pulled over, you may rip the cell phone out of their hands and shove it up their ass.

How's that for a platform?

Lefty Metalhead said...

Sure thing Big. I need a powerful running mate.

al bundy said...

yes! \m/

al bundy said...

south park movie=pure classic! good thinking blacklabelaxe

Lefty Metalhead said...

From the Blabbermouth Metal Committee (BMC) and Lefty Metalhead (yours truly), here is the official platform for the Lefty/Big campaign!

1. We will actively retort all of the 101st fighting keyboardists.

2. Blabbermouth will no longer be a safehaven for posers.

3. December 8 will be a National Day of Remembrance!

4. Ozzfest will be the target of a smear campaign, and as a result, its days are numbered!

5. K street will be devastated.

6. We will finally find out the truth about why we went into Iraq!

7. We will arm 10 quail with shotguns and see which one gets the best shot at Cheney.

8. It will be perfectly legal to slice the tires of inner-city SUV owners!

9. No more tax cuts for the filthy fucking rich!

10. The Chicago White Sox will be officially named "Chicago's team".

11. A "metal supreme court" will be established. The justices will be: Satriani (chief), Vai, Malmsteen, Laiho, Vinnie Paul, Hetfield, Dickinson, Iommi, and Halford.

12. The horns must be thrown in the air at the sight of BigNewsDay. Anyone who fails to do so will be stripped of their metal CD's!

13. Lefty Metalhead will be surrounded by ladies on a daily basis, at least in his dreams!

Al Bundy said...

hey blacklabelaxe
got an idea.

if you vote for us all hot topics will be closed for good.

BlackLabelAxe said...

I'd like to broaden the spectrum of your idea, Al Bundy:

Shopping malls will be a mosh-pit approved area. The song "5 Minutes Alone" will be played ALL DAY LONG at a very high volume. Padding will be installed around handrails, and all blitzing, bodyslamming, and other unarmed assaults will not only be allowed, but encouraged.

"Parking Lot Bulldozer Operator" will be an actual job, commissioned to destroy all vehicles with wheels over 20" in diameter, and all 4-cylinder powered vehicles with aftermarket exhaust systems. The Parking Lot Bulldozer Operator will also ruin your shit if you have a non-factory spoiler, or a non-functional hood scoop. Owners of new Ford Mustangs beware: ignorance is no excuse.

BigNewsDay said...

Damn Axe! You've almost won my vote, and I'm running against you.

BigNewsDay said...

If Lefty & I win, we are going to replace the Washington Memorial with the Dimebag Memorial. It will be bigger than the Statue of Liberty, and have an observation deck inside the pink goatee complete with a wet bar and tittie dancers.

BlackLabelAxe said...

Okay, this is getting ridiculous.

I completely support BND and Lefty, but Al Bundy and I are rockin' out some ideas also.

We don't actually disagree on anything, so we'll form the "Council of Four" to rule this great country as the executive branch. The Senate can be made of Treehouse of Death users (the more intellegent breed of metalheads), and the Blabberfucks can be the House of Representatives. Just so that you know, Blackwater Park is the Teddy Kennedy of the Metal Senate.

BlackLabelAxe said...

By the way, y'all please go an vote on the March Metal Madness poll in the Forums -> Metal Madness section. They're busting my balls over there with the Dream Theater vs. Metal Church showdown.

Dream Theater is one of my favorite bands of all time, and I'm having a hard time understanding why they're losing by 1 vote right now.

Anonymous said...

wow no wonder i think democrats have too much time on their hands and thats why they whine...

Anonymous said...

holy shit, that's a damn fine platform! i think i know where my vote's going.
despite any possible differences with me and you guys on Blabbermouth, i humbly throw it out there that, if elected, i ask please consider me for a spot on your Cabinet! an Administration such as this is not one to be left out of!



BigNewsDay said...

"wow no wonder i think democrats have too much time on their hands and thats why they whine..."


Piss Off!

BigNewsDay said...

I've never had any problems with you Molotov, and I'm sure we can find a suitable place for you in the cabinet from hell. You are more than welcome to join our community. Shoot me an email and I'll send you an invite to be a contributing member of the blog.

Lefty Metalhead said...

Upon being elected, Big and I will pass an executive order forcing Metallica to write only albums which have the quality of Master of Puppets! This will be known as the "Contract with Metallica".

We will host a metal pilgrimage. It will be something similar to the Muslim's trip to Mecca. However, instead of walking around a pillar, us metalheads will mosh around a statue of the mighty Black Sabbath. Millions upon millions of metalheads will mosh simultaneously to the sounds of Slayer, Cannibal Corpse (the new album kicks major fucking ass!), and other brutal shit!

I also like Axe's idea of a four-person leadership. We will definitely have a bi-cameral system with the jackasses on Blabbermouth on one and the treehouse dudes on the other.

Every metalhead will get a gun and the explicit instruction to find and kill those jerkoffs known as My Chemical Romance! Fuck those pricks!

BigNewsDay said...

...and we will change the national anthem to Cowboys from Hell! I may be a Liberal that doesn't like war, but DON'T FUCK WITH ME!!!!

Al Bundy said...

if you vote for me and axe you will be able to kill a long list of annoying celeberties and shitty bands at the white and we can tape it (with your aproval) so you can watch the dvd at home. you could kill p diddy,nelly,eminem, linkin park, george w bush, anybody else in the bush family,joan rivers,carson daily,limp bizkit,david spade,paris hilton etc.etc.

and it will be leagal. we always had thoes urges to kill now you can take out annoying celeberties. we will get some great tv shows back on the air.i know how you feel cause i wish i could do the same with married with children much sooner before they all got really old especially ed o neil who played al bundy.

BigNewsDay said...

Mr.Bundy, Send me an e-mailand I'll add you as a contributor.

Al Bundy said...


im on it!

Anonymous said...

I'm a man of few words and if elected, I will put an end to WrathGoat's "Axl Rose blowjob festival". Enough Said.

The one, The only,


Anonymous said...

...And one more thing if elected, I will put David Draiman on the FBI's Top Ten Most Wanted List and reward $5,000,000 leading to his capture.

The one, The only,


B.L. Sabob: now "completely heterosexual" said...

Jesus, what a bunch of Nazis!! I'll stop this, I'll force that. I'll stop MTV, I'll stop David Draiman, I'll tell Metallica what to do. Kill celebrities.

Fuck it. I'm running.

I have one very simple platform:
Return America to its stated principle of "One person, one vote" instead of the perversion that its become: "One dollar, one vote"

No more allowing "special interests" or corporations or individual rich fucks to purchase a special place at the government dinner table.

Getting rich should afford you the opportunity to buy lots of cool shit and take bitchin vacations...NOT to buy more access and influence with the government.


Lefty Metalhead said...

blsabob, I could already see how you will quickly become the Ross Perot of this election! You're likely to split the liberal vote. Great platform though.

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